


Just the Two of Us

by SoftServeTY



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Blood and Violence, Boyfriends, Depression, Established Relationship, Falling In Love, Fear Of Being Touched, Flashbacks, Fluff, Haphephobia, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Rape Recovery, Sad with a Happy Ending, Therapy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-14
Updated: 2019-05-29
Packaged: 2019-08-01 20:03:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 33,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16290875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoftServeTY/pseuds/SoftServeTY
Summary: Johnny and Ten lead a perfect life together as lovers. Their days are filled with happiness and each other, because that's all they need. On one unfortunate night, all of that comes crashing down. After Ten becomes a sexual assault victim, he suffers from haphephobia, the fear of touching. Now, Ten and Johnny have to rebuild their relationship, healing each other's wounds and finding comfort in one another. It's a painful and long road ahead of them, but they can do it.





	1. Fools

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE A SEXUAL ASSAULT VICTIM. THIS STORY MAY CONTAIN HEAVY TRIGGERS. At least the first chapter.
> 
> WARNING: Explicit violence, non-graphic rape

Johnny plopped down onto the bed beside Ten. He stared intently at the love of his life, who was trying, but failing, to look immersed in his book. The evidence was painted across his cheeks, a light pink dusting over his unblemished skin. He spared him a short glance out of the corner of his eye, quickly averting his gaze when his eye met with his. Johnny sighed out of fondness, Ten was so unbearably cute. He relished this moment of peace and silence between them, burying his face into the pillows of their bed. They smelled like Ten, sweet and relaxing like chamomile and honey. Johnny was staring rather obviously, which must have really been taking a toll on the smaller man, who had yet to turn the page of his book in the span of a few minutes. Ten gave up at his feeble attempt to continue reading, closing the book and placing it on his abdomen.

“What?” Ten whines, finally turning his head to the larger man laying beside him.

“You’ve been reading all morning” Johnny drawls, mocking the same whiny tone that Ten had used with him.

“And? I like reading” Ten tried to reason with his thick headed boyfriend.

“And? I like you” Johnny teased, but he was completely serious.

Ten huffed, not surprised by Johnny’s lack of shame. He had grown used to it after being with him for four years. They had chose this past year to finally move in together, and it turned out to be a great decision. Both men had heard horror stories that they would grow tired of each other, wanting more space from one another than usual, but the opposite was actually with them. They couldn’t keep their hands off of each other, everything they did they did together, it was sickening how lovey dovey these two were actually.

“I’m surprised that you don’t get tired of reading, you have to study all the time for you class and read your student’s assignments” Johnny said impressed, maybe he was trying to be a suck up right now, but only a little.

“That’s elementary education, Johnny” Ten laughed, hitting his lover with a light smack on his chest. Ten was an elementary school homeroom teacher. He had always loved children, and his bright and warm personality made the children love him in turn. It was a match made in heaven, just like them. If anyone had told Johnny how he would end up with the most perfect boyfriend who loved him how much he loved him back, he would tell them that they’re full of shit. Johnny didn’t know how he had found the most perfect boy in the world, no, in this universe, but he definitely wasn’t complaining. He didn’t know what he did in his past life to deserve him.

“Do you know what today is?” Johnny asked innocently, wriggling his eyebrow to tease the younger when he noticed Ten was lost in confusion, probably trying to realize if he had forgotten any anniversaries or birthdays. “It’s Saturday!”

Ten scoffed at the declaration. That was it? Johnny had made him have doubts, worried that he had forgotten an important date. “What about it?” Ten huffed, a little annoyed by Johnny’s toying with him.

“We should get out of the house! Go on a date! We haven’t done that in long time!”

“Johnny, we go on dates every Saturday” Ten laughed warmly, finally seeing where Johnny’s reasoning was going.

“Exactly! That’s way too far apart” the larger man whined.

“Ok ok. What do you want to do then?” Ten caved.

“Neither of us have eaten yet, let's go to a cafe, get some food and coffee. Maybe walk around and go shopping while we sip on our hot roasted bean water. Then we can pick up ingredients and make dinner at home, finishing off the night with a movie!” Johnny sounded excited. The thought was nice, he always took the time to do little things to make Ten happy, because it was the simple things that Ten loved. “But who knows, maybe the fun won’t end there, maybe we can continue in the bed” Johnny lead on, hand finding its way to one of Ten’s supple butt cheeks, intentions painfully obvious. But, Ten laughed nonetheless, because yeah, he wanted that too. He leaned into Johnny slowly, pressing their faces together tantalizingly close. He hovered over his lips, a mere breath apart, until finally colliding them together, languid and gentle. Johnny hummed in content, he loved the feeling of Ten’s lips, soft and pillowy.

“Who says that we can’t skip to the dessert right away?” Ten teased, rolling Johnny onto his back, climbing on top of him to straddle him. “You know I have a sweet tooth” he licked his lips as he slid his hands under Johnny’s shirt, tracing them over the expanse of his abs. Johnny groaned in excitement, because Ten was so sexy.

“I say it. Because that’s not the order of the itinerary that I oh so delicately planned out” Johnny said coyly. His resistance at this stage, with his lover sitting on top of his crotch wanting to have sex, was admirable, he had to praise himself. “As a teacher you should know the importance of following rules, right Professor Ten?” he cooed. That was a low blow and Johnny knew it, he always knew how to press Ten’s buttons.

“What if I want to break the rules?” Ten retorted, his hands rolling Johnny’s shirt up so that he could get a good look at him.

“Then you would be a bad influence for your students. I think you need to be taught some patience, baby”

Ten quivered at his beloved pet name. He didn’t know what it was about the word, but it always sent shivers down his spine, especially when Johnny used it in his lust filled tone. Johnny sat up, wrapping his arms around Ten’s small frame.

“For real though we should get going, if we go any further, I won’t be able to leave you from this bed all day. Plus, I’m kind of starving, I don’t know if you could feel my stomach while palpating me, but it’s definitely growling” he hummed. Ten chuckled, placing a chaste kiss to the tip of Johnny’s nose who returned the gesture with a light kiss to Ten’s lips. This was heaven.

Ten rolled off of Johnny in compliance, feeling their plush carpet web between his toes as he walked over to his closet to find an outfit for the day. Johnny did the same with his own closet, sparing glances to Ten to try to match their outfits. Johnny liked to look like a couple, liked to show his boyfriend off and Ten didn’t have any complaints. He was only slightly worried that a parent or coworker would find out and threaten to get him fired. They decided on their outfits, Ten laughed at Johnny because it was clear what he had done even though Johnny tried to protest, saying that it was just the mood he was feeling today.

They exited their house, walking to the nearby cafe that they enjoyed frequenting. The coffee was good for how cheap it was, and the pastries and sandwiches weren’t half bad either. They ate their hot sandwiches down the road, sharing bites now and then to try the other’s food. Hot cups of coffee warming the palms of their hands as they walked through the chilly fall morning air. Ten lead the two of them around a bit, because he was the one out of them who liked shopping more. He wasn’t surprised when it was on the list that Johnny had “delicately planned out”. Johnny always put Ten before himself, wanting nothing more in life than for his lover to be happy. He loved the way his eyes lit up when he saw something he liked through the shop windows, the way he felt the items in his small hands to determine their quality, and the way his face scrunched up when he saw how expensive the price tag was. When the both of them had finished their food and coffee, Johnny took one of Ten’s hands that were now free and put it in his coat pocket. Ten called him out, saying that he just wanted to hold his hand, but Johnny insisted that it was because he was just trying to keep his hand warm. Ten smiled, Johnny wasn’t good at lying, he never was, but that was a trait of his that Ten loved. Johnny was his gentle giant, and only his.

They spent a huge portion of the day exploring the city, finally finding their way to a grocery store after the sun had begun to set. They didn’t spend too long in the store, already knowing what they needed because Ten had given Johnny an earful about what he wanted to eat. Johnny loved to eat Ten’s cooking, he was great at it. He wasn’t too bad himself, but maybe it was just the fact that it was something that Ten made with love that made it taste so delicious to him. Even though they had not taken long, the sun had already set when they came back outside. Since it was getting colder out, the days were getting shorter. The two of them walked towards their home with grocery bags in tow until they crossed paths with the local park.

“Why don’t we take the more scenic route home?” Johnny offered, gesturing a head nod towards the park because he couldn’t bare to let go of Ten’s hand.

“We see that park all the time, Johnny” Ten whined a little, because he knew that route took longer to get home and honestly he should have worn different shoes today because these were a little uncomfortable after walking in them for hours.

“I know, but I also know that you look so pretty under the moonlight that shines over it” he said softly, already tugging Ten into the direction of the park. Ten scoffed at the bold remark, but even in the dark Johnny could see the trace of red that was welling in his cheeks and on the tips of his ears.

The park was off the beaten path a little, tall trees lining the paved road that led to a large tunnel which was the entrance of the park. The tunnel was one of the older ones that had yet to have any lighting system built into it, so Johnny pulled out the flashlight on his phone. He pulled a few dumb gags to scare Ten, earning him shoves from the younger who tolerated his shenanigans. As they neared the exit of the tunnel, they could see the rays of moonlight cascading over the grass that for some reason seemed greener here than it had at the entrance. Even the color of the bushes of flowers popped with vibrancy. Johnny grinned fondly when he heard Ten make a noise of astonishment. They walked further into the park, taking in the sights around them. Honestly though, Johnny was looking at Ten more than any of the nature surrounding them. He was far more beautiful than any of it.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw slight movement. It appeared to be a drunk young man laying on a bench, mumbling angrily about something. Johnny squeezed Ten’s hand harder, pulling him away from said man, trying to find a way around him. Ten who was unknowing to the situation, asked Johnny what he was doing. This caught the man’s attention, he sat up, looking at them. Damn it. Johnny hastened their pace a bit, wanting to get away from the man. He didn’t know if the guys intentions were bad, but he didn’t want to stick around to find out, drunk people could be unpredictable. It was only one guy, Johnny could definitely take him on, but he preferred not to if he could avoid it. In his attempt to get away from the drunk guy, when Johnny looked back to judge the distance between them and the creep, who was indeed following them, he smacked right into another person, knocking him to the ground.

“Ow! What the fuck!” he yelled out.

“Oh! I’m sorry man” Johnny helped him up, immediately regretting his decision to do so because there was another man standing there with him. His eyes landed on Ten, looking him up and down while grinning, causing Johnny’s blood to boil.

“I think you broke my fucking foot...what are you going to do about it?” the man that Johnny had ran into whined, obviously over exaggerating.

“We’re going to be on our way, sorry if you got hurt” he tried to cut their interaction short, pulling Ten along, but the other guy grabbed Ten by his wrist.

“Why the rush? Did you pick up this cutie at the club? Why don’t you share man?” he sneered. Ten tried pulling his arm back from the man, but to no avail. He looked up to Johnny, worry painted across his face.

“Don’t touch him, ok? We’re together” Johnny warned, voice becoming deeper in order to frighten the men.

“ _ Together _ ? Boys aren’t good for relationships, just fuckin’. Spare yourself the drama” the man who had fallen chimed in. By this time the other guy had caught up.

“Where da fuck ya’ll been?” he heaved, out of breath and practically looking like he was going to throw up. He probably was.

“Looking for you shit head. It’s your fault you got so drunk you got thrown out of the club. We were about to score too but had to come look for your sorry ass so that you don’t get rounded up by the police!”

This was an argument that Johnny and Ten had no place in and frankly they just wanted to leave, so Johnny tried to pull the man who had his hand around Ten’s wrist off. The man only tightened his grip harder, causing Ten to wince. His pained expression sent fire through his veins and he had to control every fiber in his being not to punch the guy in the throat.

“Come on man, you heard my buddy right? We just wanna get laid. Can’t your friend help us out with that?” the man who had his hand wrapped around Ten’s wrist said.

“Absolutely not” he pulled on Ten’s arm, but the guy was pulling in his direction just as hard, neither of them letting up.

“Pleeeaaase~ Won’t you be a good person and help us?” his tone disgustingly pleading as he turned his attention towards Ten after not getting the answer that he wanted from Johnny.

“No…” Ten mumbled, overwhelmed and scared by the whole situation.

“Come on sweetheart–”

“He said no” Johnny was assertive, stepping in front of Ten to shield him from the gross guy across from him.

“Why don’t you let me and the boy talk” the stranger whined.

“Because he doesn’t want to talk to you”

“Who says?” he questions, clearly in denile.

“Look man, I’m only going to tell you once, let go of him now” Johnny’s voice bellowed, pure rage boiling inside of him that he had never felt before.

“Oh? And what are you gonna–” the stranger was cut off by Johnny decking him right in the face, biting his tongue in the process.

The sheer force of Johnny’s blow made the guy release his hold on Ten’s wrist and fall to the ground. But, his friend immediately jumped Johnny, reciprocating his punch with his own right on Johnny’s cheekbone. The first guy who Johnny had initially punched found his way back to his feet and took Ten by both arms, folding them behind his back and holding him hostage. Johnny kneed the man in the gut who punched him and made his way to the guy that was holding Ten. His eyes were so fixated on the target that he hadn’t felt the blow to his head, just the sound of glass shattering and Ten screaming in horror. His face collided with the ground, surrounded by dirt and the drunk guy’s broken beer bottle. He felt the blood seeping from his wounds, felt it pouring across his head. He attempted to get up, only to get kicked in his side by the guy he had kneed, knocking the wind out of him. He coughed, dirt blowing away from the force and blood plipped into the soil as it drained from his skull. His muscles shook as he found the strength to push himself up, Ten’s cries and willpower being the only things keeping him going. The guy who kicked him shoved him over onto his back, stomping on his abdomen and Johnny felt a snap. One of his ribs must have broke.

“Not so tough now are you?” the guy snarled, leaning down to Johnny and punching him in the face again. Johnny could vaguely hear the cries of Ten for them to stop in the distance. Whether he was actually that far or not Johnny couldn’t tell, all of his senses were fading. “Oh, I almost forgot about you, sweetheart” he said with a repulsive grin, eyes meeting Ten. He leaned even further down to whisper in Johnny’s ear, “Why don’t you watch as we fuck the shit out of your  _ boyfriend _ ”. Johnny grunted in defiance, just now realizing the blood that was occupying his mouth, spitting it out and letting it dribble down his chin. He yanked him up by the collar, shoving him into the hold of the drunk guy so that he was sitting up. “Now you’ll have a good view. Sit back and enjoy”.

Johnny saw the silhouette of the man walk away from him, but it was hard to make out anything else, the blood pooling into his eyes. If there was any shred of good in this situation, even the size of a splinter, it was that he could not see. That is until the drunk man took it upon himself to describe to him what was happening, narrating the display. It was hard to hear his words over Ten’s screams, both being noises that Johnny never wanted to hear. He cried, washing away the blood from his eyes and cried more when he saw what was happening to Ten. Violent tremors took over his nerves, shaking uncontrollably as he cried out of helplessness and frustration because he could not move. He called Ten’s name pitifully, seizing up when he heard Ten call his name in desperation. He had always told Ten that he would protect him, that he would never let anything bad happen to him, that he could depend on him. Apparently this was the best he could do. Johnny was disgusted with himself. He willed his limbs to obey him, even though they were screaming in agony and he could feel the sharp piercing of his rib. He wriggled his way out of the drunk man’s hold before swiftly being pulled back down. His gut was met with a fierce blow. He spewed blood from his mouth, coughing and heaving. He wouldn’t let the pain get the better of him, Ten needed him, so he grit his teeth and tried to pull himself up again.

“You’re proving to be more trouble than I thought” the drunk man drawled, “–stay down”. He gripped the back of Johnny’s head, slamming his face into the ground. Johnny thinks he blacked out for a few seconds, faintly feeling the ground beside him shift as the drunk man made his way toward Ten and the other men. Johnny couldn’t see anything but the dirt under his face, he couldn’t move a single muscle, and his hearing was fading in and out. He felt light headed, coming to the realization of how much blood he was losing. Ten’s words were becoming a jumbled mess and he couldn’t make out any coherent sentences anymore, all he knew was that he sometimes heard his name. Johnny’s eyelids became heavy, the weight of the blood leaking over them, pulling them closed. The sound of Ten was getting further and further away, until everything was finally silent.

 

*

 

Johnny woke up, the first thing he saw was all white, a bright, blinding white that hurt his eyes. He rotated his head, noting the dull aching in his neck when he moved it. He was looking up at a ceiling. When he stirred slightly he heard a light gasp to his left. He followed the sound, a woman was standing beside his bed who appeared to be replacing bandages around his ribcage. She quickly rushed out of the room, leaving Johnny with so many questions. He turned his attention to the window, the sun was shining brightly, lighting up the entirety of the room. He heard the door click open, turning his head much too quickly, a sharp pain shooting from his head. He instinctively raised his hand to the area, feeling the bandaging wrapped around his head.

“Don’t touch it” the man who entered the room said, “I had to give you forty stitches just on your head”. Johnny reluctantly lowered his hand. “Seo Youngho, my name is Doyoung, I am yours and Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul’s doctor”. The sudden mention of Ten’s name made Johnny dart up in acute worry. His abdomen stung from the action, making him groan and hug the wound.

“Where is he? Is he alright?!” Johnny shouted nonetheless, broken rib or not.

“He is safe, don’t worry, he’s here–” he said first to calm Johnny, “–but you have to listen to me”. Johnny paused, wanting nothing more than to see Ten, but he complied. “You have been unconscious for over a week now. You suffered from severe head trauma, a broken 10th rib, a broken nose, and a fractured jaw”. Johnny knew he felt like shit, but when it was all summed up like that it really did sound like a lot. “Now listen to me carefully for this part, Ten only had a few minor cuts and bruises, but a cut on the inside of his thigh that needed stitches”. Those assholes hurt Ten, he could kill them. Johnny seethed with rage, but Doyoung used his words to comfort him, “Ten has been visiting you each day while you were unconscious, checking up and taking care of you”.

Johnny felt his heartbeat slow, the thought of his lovely Ten worrying about him, it made his chest ache. “Can I see him?” Johnny asked.

“Of course you can...but there’s something you have to know first” Doyoung’s tone turned even more serious than before, making Johnny squirm with uneasiness. He gave Doyoung a look to go on.

Doyoung took a deep breath before calmly stating, “Ten has haphephobia”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you read Velvet Braces and Silk Chokers by me, please don't worry, I am not leaving that story. I just have so many fic ideas in my head at all times and this one was just really pushing itself to the front lately. I am in the middle of Chapter 8 for Velvet Braces and Silk Chokers, so be looking forward to that~


	2. Haphephobia?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Descriptions of wounds, and mention of blood

“Haphephobia?” Johnny repeated slowly. He clearly wasn’t a doctor so he had no idea what the word meant. He had never heard it before in his entire life.

“It’s the medical term to describe the fear of being touched or touching”. Johnny let the weight of Doyoung’s words sink in, listening intently as he continued. “There’s no doubt that it has formed because of his recent trauma, he told me that he did not have it before the incident. The symptoms of it are similar with other anxiety disorders including, hyperventilation, dizziness, sweating, cold or hot flashes, increased heart rate, shortness of breath, nausea, trembling, and overwhelming fear. He will probably also suffer from insomnia and night terrors. Night terrors are much more frightening than nightmares. He will probably lash around, scream, and sometimes seem awake but he is not. When this happens you can not wake him, he is not aware of your presence and is too deep asleep. The best thing that you can do is make sure that he is not in danger and let him ride out the episode. It’s going to be hard because you are going to want to help him, but you can’t. If there is anything good about it though it’s that when he wakes up he will not remember having a nighterror unlike a nightmare, so he doesn’t have to relive the horror that he was living in his dreams”. Johnny stayed silent, it was a lot of information to take in. None of it anything that he wanted to hear. How could this happen to Ten? His amazing, selfless Ten? He didn’t deserve any of it, ever.

“Please...I just want to see Ten” Johnny uttered. He had to see him. Had to see with his own eyes that he was safe. He wouldn’t be at ease until he saw Ten.

“...Alright, I’ll bring him to you since you’re still not in any condition to move” Doyoung reluctantly said as he turned on his heel, pulling the door open and shut.

Johnny was left in the quiet room again, his heart pulsating at a mile a minute because of the thoughts running through his head. What if Ten was mad with him? Mad that he didn’t save him. What if he wanted to break up. What if he didn’t love him anymore? Johnny’s heart ached, all of it was too much to bare. He watched the door intently, knowing immediately that the sprawl of black hair that he saw quickly flash past the blurred glass window that sat in the middle of the door was Ten. He not so gracefully pushed the door open, seemingly in a hurry but came to a dead stop in the doorway as soon as his eyes landed on Johnny. Johnny’s heart nearly jumped out of his throat and he could already feel the tears threatening him with their presence. Ten stood in the threshold for what seemed like eternity, hand still on the doorknob and chest heaving up and down. He must have ran to his room.

“Johnny” he squeaked, face twisting into a morph of relief and hurt as tears spilled from his beautiful eyes. He brought his hands up to his face, wiping roughly at the heavy flow of tears that would not stop.

“Ten-” Johnny felt like he had the wind knocked out of him. Ten was really standing there in front of him, safe and alright. “-baby, come here” Johnny mumbled, tone a bit pleading because he really needed Ten to be close to him right now. Ten did as Johnny wished, stepping near his bed but hands still hiding his face. Johnny instinctively reached up to pull Ten’s hands away from his face, but Ten aggressively jerked back from the gesture. An immediate apologetic look emerging from Ten’s expression. Johnny had gotten so caught up with finally being able to see his love that he had forgotten what Doyoung had said. Johnny’s heart ached, Ten was crying right in front of him and he couldn’t even hold him to comfort him. Johnny pressed the button for his bed to sit up, so that he could see Ten more clearly.

“No! You shouldn’t move!” Ten blurted in apparent worry.

“It’s alright, I’m fine” Johnny hushed him, trying to calm his nerves. He looked Ten over. He had dark circles under his eyes, his lips were split open in two places, there were scratches on his arms and nasty bruises around his wrists. He didn’t even want to think about what probably lied under his clothes. The tears that were threatening him finally made their way to the surface. He held his head low, not wanting Ten to look him in the eye. The tears fell onto the sheets that he had crumbled up in his fists, the material soaking them in.

“Don’t cry” Ten mumbled. Even at a time like this Ten was still trying to make Johnny feel better when it should really be the other way around. Johnny reminded himself that he didn’t deserve Ten.

“You first” he managed to squeeze out, his throat insanely tight, constricting to the point where it was even hard to breathe. The sly remark earned him a small smile from the other, that was enough. That was the Ten that he loved.

“I love you” Johnny said without any warning. It was all that he could think about at the moment.

“I love you too” Ten responded without missing a beat. They said it so naturally. “So much” Ten continued, needing Johnny to feel the weight of his sincerity. Johnny mustered up the best smile that he could, looking Ten in the eye fondly before taking a steady breath to calm his nerves.

“How have you been baby? You’re not getting enough sleep are you?” Johnny motioned to the area under his own eye, referring to Ten’s dark circles.

“I was discharged days ago and didn’t want us to be charged for me staying in their beds, so I’ve been sleeping in the lobby chairs”. Johnny’s stomach flipped from Ten’s words. At a time like this Ten was still looking out for the both of them. Johnny didn’t care about the money, he would gladly pay the hospital just so Ten could have a bed to sleep on.

“Practical as always” he sighed. “You could have gone home. I hate to have you losing sleep from worrying about me”

“You honestly think that I would willingly leave you alone in this hospital while you’re unconscious? I don’t care if it took months or even a year for you to wake up, I would be here every single day waiting for you”

“Just wait a little longer baby, I’ll get us both out of here in no time. We’ll be back in our house and you can sleep on a real bed”

“Now hold your horses-” Doyoung spoke as he walked through the door, “you still have some healing to do mister, you’re not going anywhere for a while” he declared, positioning a hand on his hip as he popped it out.

“And how long might that be?”

“Another week at least, minimum” Doyoung was firm, flipping through the papers attached to his clipboard haphazardly. Johnny groaned at the answer, much longer than he had been wanting.

“Is there any way that Ten can stay in the other bed in this room? There is nobody using it”. Ten instantly declined, proclaiming that he didn’t need it. Doyoung hummed, musing over the idea for a few seconds.

“Alright, but if we need that bed for a patient, then you have to leave”.

Ten shot an anxious look to Johnny, who in turn gave him a light nod of the head, hoping that it gets the point across that this is okay to reassure Ten. It works. Johnny didn’t know when, but at some point down the road of their relationship, they didn’t even need to communicate with words anymore, just facial expressions and body gestures were enough for them to understand one another.

“Thank you, Doctor” Johnny said with his full stomach, the words coming from the bottom of his heart. He really couldn’t stand to have Ten sleep out in the lobby, where the likelihood of someone touching him was greatly increased.

“Drop the formalities, it makes me feel so constricted. Just Doyoung is fine” the young doctor sighed, scribbling at a piece of paper on his clipboard. “Ten…” he started, an apologetic smile forming, “I’m sorry but I’m going to have to ask you to leave momentarily. I have to tend to the wounds on Johnny’s head”.

Johnny immediately spun his head around to Ten, opening his mouth to retaliate because he didn’t want Ten to leave, he just got here. But, Ten was already walking to the door, giving Doyoung a small head nod in compliance.

“Please tell me when you’re done. I want to come back” he mumbled, looking back and forth between Johnny and Doyoung before he pulled the door shut. Doyoung handed Johnny the piece of paper before laying his clipboard down and snapping a pair of sterile gloves onto his hands.

“That is the contact information for a psychiatrist that I highly recommend you two to see. He is a good friend of mine and has dealt with cases like this before. Now, I say recommend because your insurance sadly will not cover this, but since he is a friend of mine, I can see if he’s willing to cut you a break. Please don’t think of me as rude, but I had to ask Ten to leave because I didn’t want to worry him with this right now” Doyoung said as he soaked a washcloth in warm water at the sink. He made his way back over to Johnny, scooting his rolling stool so that he could comfortably sit and clean the stitches on Johnny’s head. Johnny contemplated the doctor’s words for a while, taking his bottom lip into his mouth and biting at the small lump between his teeth a little bit. It was a nervous tick that he had had all his life.

“Do you think that we’ll need this?” Johnny’s tone was teetering between a sincere question and a challenge, as if he was daring the doctor to say that he questioned their love. Doyoung paused from patting the cloth delicately at his stitches, clearing away the little bit of blood and discharge that had accumulated. He met Johnny’s gaze, eyes mirroring the same intensity that the larger man was giving him.

“I do” Doyoung was stern, never faltering. A long silence filled the room as they maintained their battle of the eyes.

“Alright” Johnny caved, wincing a little when Doyoung began dabbing his wounds again, this time with more force. “A-ah, that hurts” he whined, hand reaching up to grab at Doyoung’s wrist before the latter smacked his hand away in annoyance.

“You know you’re lucky I even let you keep this hair. It would have been so much easier just to buzz it off and then give you the stitches, but I was feeling nice and decided to take the long route by carefully threading the stitches through your long ass locks. I figured if you kept it this long then you must have a lot of pride in it” Doyoung muttered, words filled with a bit of nagging that one would expect from their own mother. It was comical to Johnny to say the least, causing his body to shake from laughing, which in turn earned him a smack on the shoulder from the doctor to stop moving so that he could hurry up and leave so that Ten could come back. Johnny promptly shut up.

 

*

 

The days spent in the hospital room were long and very,  _very_ boring. All Johnny could do was watch trashy TV shows and occasionally go to the bathroom, a nice relief to finally stand after his butt had been numb for hours. The nurses would scold him when he unnecessarily stood or walked around, but Doyoung eventually grew tired of it and let him do as he pleased. The times when Ten was allowed to visit him were much better. Time passed by faster and he loved having Ten with him. He would watch fondly as Ten ate snacks from one of the vending machines in the building, grinning all the more when he tapped his foot out of anxiousness and pouted when he had finished his snacks because he was still hungry. It was at these times when Johnny would offer him his pudding cup or something else from his cafeteria tray. Ten would decline at first, but with just a little bit of probing he would gladly take it from Johnny, mumbling words of gratitude shyly and turning a little pink when the elder cooed at him.

After another week and a half did Doyoung finally give the go ahead that Johnny could be discharged. With a lengthy list of instructions to take care of himself and a few different bottles of medication - some for inflammation, others for pain relief - Johnny and Ten left the hospital in a cab. Johnny felt like a kid excited for the destination of a family road trip, watching the familiar scenery pass by as they approached the area close to their home. When the car pulled up to their driveway, it hadn’t even fully stopped before Johnny swung the door open, causing Ten to scold him. Johnny didn’t care, he just wanted to be in his home with Ten. It was a safe place for him where he couldn’t get hurt anymore.

After climbing, albeit a little clumsily out of the vehicle because his rib was still healing, he turned around and held his hand out to help Ten out of the car. Ten glanced at Johnny’s hand and hesitated before pulling his eyes up to look the elder in the eye. He dipped his head back down low, getting out of the car himself and shuffling to the side once he was out, stepping a few notable feet away from Johnny. Johnny’s heart twinged a little before turning to the driver to pay and thank him.

When Johnny opened the front door to their beloved home the familiar scent washed over them immediately. When they stepped inside, Ten scoffed at how things had gotten so dusty already, dreading the day they would spend cleaning it in the near future. Johnny offered to make some food, already making his way into the kitchen before Ten had time to reply. He groaned when he opened the refrigerator, practically everything was expired, obviously.

“Hey babe?” he called out to the air.

“Yeah?” Ten answered in the distance, sounding like he was in the living room.

“We’re out of food. I’m going to stop by the grocery store up a few blocks”. He heard quick shuffling from the other room as the noise rapidly grew closer to him. Ten stormed into the kitchen, visually angry.

“The hell you are!” he declared.

“...what do you mean?” Johnny was at a loss for words. What was the problem?

“You really think I’ll let you leave this house by yourself when you’re in this condition?”

Ah, so that was it.

“It’ll be alright. It’s not far, I go all the time” Johnny tried to reason.

“If you go then I have to go too. I’m not letting you carry the bags, you’ll strain yourself” Ten was unwavering.

“I don’t want you to go” Johnny immediately shot down Ten’s offer.

“Why not?” Ten questioned, becoming more heated. The tables had turned now.

“Because I just don’t. Okay?!” Johnny raised his voice to a point that had Ten seething because of his attitude.

“Then neither of us are going. I refuse for you to leave this house by yourself right now”

“Sweetie, you’re being unreasonable” Johnny brought his voice back down to a softer tone, in hopes to persuade the younger.

“I absolutely am not! How would you feel if I wanted to go outside alone? I know for a fact that you wouldn’t let me because you’d be worried sick, and that’s just the same for me with you!” Ten yelled, his head starting to throb from raising his voice. The two stared at each other in silence as they composed themselves and gathered their emotions.

“...you’re right” Johnny caved, “...I’m sorry for arguing with you, sweetie” he stepped closer to Ten, holding out his arms as he walked towards him. Ten backed up, avoiding Johnny’s hold.

“...it’s alright...I was the one that started yelling first so...I’m sorry too” Ten muttered. “Let’s just stay in tonight, okay? We can order delivery” he offered. Johnny nodded his head in agreement. Ten turned on his heel to walk out of the kitchen, likely to find his cell phone to place an order.

“Ten?” Johnny called softly, making the younger stop to turn around and look at him.

“Hm?” he hummed questionably.

“...love you” Johnny put on the best smile that he could at the moment. Ten’s expression was a little shocked, but it soon melted into a peculiar look. A look of happiness mixed with pain.

“...love you too” he smiled warmly.

 

*

 

The delivery had arrived quickly after they had decided on what to get, pizza of course. Johnny arranged the coffee table in front of their living room couch to hold the box of pizza, plates, and their drinks as Ten scrolled through Netflix, opting for one of the series they were still in the middle of rather than finding something new. Johnny noticed how Ten was sitting farther away than normal on the couch. Often times they would both sit with their legs criss-crossed on the couch while they were eating, knees bumping one another without any thought of the contact. Then, when they finished eating, Ten would often lay his head on Johnny’s shoulder, and sometimes Johnny would lay his head in Ten’s lap because Ten would play with his hair and he loved that. But, there wasn’t going to be any of that.

After a few hours of occasional giggling due to the show the two of them were watching, Johnny looked over when he realized Ten had been quiet for a while. Ten was falling asleep, eyelids drooping and looking like he was really struggling to keep them open.

“Hey baby, let’s go to sleep. Alright?” Johnny hummed softly, reaching for the remote to switch off the TV.

Ten nodded his head half heartedly, the gesture was a bit comical because his neck was so weak that it looked like his head was about to roll off of it. Ten willed himself to pull himself off of the couch, dragging his feet as he padded off to the bedroom. Johnny cleaned up the remains of food and dishes quickly before he himself walked to the bedroom. When he stepped in, Ten was in the middle of changing out of his jeans and into pajama bottoms. It was at this moment when he could finally see the cut on Ten’s inner thigh that Doyoung had talked about. It was worse than he had expected it to be. It was about three inches long, right in the juncture where the leg meets the hip on the inside of the thigh. It must have been painful, being in an area where he was sure it moved every time Ten walked, but he had yet to ever hear the younger complain about it. Worst of all, it didn’t even look like a clean cut. It looked like he had been cut with something that wasn’t that sharp, and the thought of someone doing something like that to Ten made Johnny want to kill them and cry at the same time. Not to mention bruises that had faded to their light brown and yellow stage adorned the entire expanse of his legs. Ten caught Johnny staring not so secretly.

“It’s not as bad as it looks, don’t worry about it” Ten said as he placed his worn clothes in the dirty clothes hamper.

“Why weren’t you wearing a bandage over that? It’ll get infected if you let it rub along things” Johnny nagged.

“I had a bandage on it, but just took it off before you came in. It’s in the trashcan, see?” the younger pointed to the small bin that they had beside their bed on the floor. “I took it off because I want to let it breath at night. Keeping it wrapped up all the time isn’t good”. Ten was right, Johnny had to admit. Ten slid on his new loose pants.

Johnny walked to his dresser, finding a comfy shirt and bottoms to wear. He stayed turned toward the wall as he discarded his old clothes. Ten’s eyes flickered to the long strip of gauze that was taped to the left side of the elder’s torso. Johnny debated doing the same as Ten, but he didn’t think that his was to the level of healing to do that yet. He shimmied on his new clothes, turning back around once he was done. Ten looked him in the face. His nose and the surrounding area under his eyes were a greenish yellow color from bruising, but he luckily only needed a little bit of stitches on his left nostril for that. And his jaw was healing nicely thankfully, probably because it was only a fracture. It gave him the least trouble surprisingly. Johnny cocked his head in confusion because Ten wasn’t in bed yet, he was just standing beside it.

“What’s wrong?” he asked. Ten nibbled his bottom lip hesitantly. Johnny wasn’t sure if the younger picked up that nervous habit from him or not, but he didn’t recall Ten doing it when they first started dating.

“Do you think that we should sleep in the same bed?” Ten didn’t look up at him, he kept his eyes on the piece of furniture. Oh yeah, that’s right, Ten couldn’t be touched.

Johnny thought on it for a while. He really wanted to sleep in the same bed as Ten, wanted to be close to him and feel his warmth. But, the last thing he wanted was to hurt Ten even more. It was a big bed admittedly, but Johnny was known to toss and turn in his sleep, so he didn’t want to risk it.

“It’s alright, I’ll sleep on the sofa” he smiled, hoping that his happy face would persuade Ten into taking the bed for himself. Ten looked up at him with this apologetic look that made Johnny’s heart feel like it was going to crumble.

“If you need me, I’ll be in the living room. Okay? Now go ahead and get under the covers, it’s a little chilly in here” Johnny knew he was being a little doting, but he couldn’t help it.

“Thank you...” Ten uttered as he crawled into bed, pulling the heavy comforter up his body.

“I’ll turn the lights off for you” Johnny said as he walked towards the exit. He placed his hand on the switch but before he flicked it Ten caught him off guard.

“Johnny?” he called quietly.

“Yeah?” was all that Johnny could respond with.

“I love you”

Johnny paused, but soon this nice warmth spread throughout his body.

“I love you too, baby boy”

Then, he turned the lights off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this chapter is sad but at least it's not as sad as the first chapter, right?


	3. Nice to Meet You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soft times with flashbacks of Johnny and Ten first meeting, don't mind me being in my feels.

It was finals week at Johnny’s university, and every fiber in his being was on autopilot. He didn’t know who he was or what he was doing here, but he knew countless useless formulas and the names of numerous famous writers and scientists whose names he would forget in 6 months at best. His biology final was tomorrow and he decided to head to the library to stick his nose into his textbook and notes rather than the comfort of his dorm room, because he knew that he would just slack off there. Now wasn’t the time for that, he needed to kick his own ass to get his stupid general studies degree. He has spent nearly two years at this school so far and he’s not about to give up now, though the thought was tempting since he currently wanted to say fuck the finals and go sleep for a decade. He lugged his legs to the library, hardly picking up his feet and more so just dragging them across the ground.

He literally groaned when he pushed the large doors to the library open, it was jam packed. Tables were filled with students in study groups, practicing speeches and going over presentations that were part of their finals. Some students had their eyes glued to their laptops, their faces being mere inches away from the screens, while others had either decided to or accidentally fallen asleep, their head laid limply on top of their study materials. He walked through the library, looking for a place to occupy. His first choice would have been a secluded area off to the side all by himself, but that wasn’t really an option at this point, he wasn’t even sure if he’d be able to find a spot at all.

Then, he noticed one spot open, a small table for two near a window. However, there was already somebody sitting there, but the seat across from them was vacant. Johnny tentatively stepped over to the man who sat there. He was small, had well kept black hair, round framed glasses that laid delicately along the bridge of his nose, and his lips were pursed, immersed in whatever it was that he was reading at the moment. He was kind of pretty. Pretty for a guy, Johnny had to admit. Even when he moved completely in front of the smaller man, placing his hand on the seat in front of him, he didn’t notice Johnny.

“Is this seat taken?” Johnny muttered, words coming out a bit slower than he had intended, his body could barely keep up with him at this point from his amount of exhaustion. Now he finally had the smaller man’s attention. He peered up, looking up at him over his glasses. His skin was so smooth, not a pimple in sight, either he was gifted or he had some crazy elaborate skin care routine that Johnny neither had the time or money for. He didn’t have dark circles or bags under his eyes while Johnny felt like the weight of the world was pulling his own bags down. And he was in a crisp, white button up shirt, while Johnny was sporting an oversized hoodie that he hadn’t changed out of in three days. He also hadn’t showered in three days, that’s where the hoodie came in handy because he could just put the hood up and hide his hair that was well overdue for a wash. The hesitation from the smaller, clean man was a little unnerving, but mostly the way he looked Johnny up and down before answering.

“No, it’s not” he stated unamused before returning his attention back to his textbook, which Johnny could now see was on child psychology.

Johnny pushed down the hint of awkwardness that he felt with this guy, scooting the chair out from under the table and plopping down onto it. He rummaged through his bookbag, pulling out his laptop to study the notes that he had typed up on it from all of his biology classes. He made a study guide out of his notes of what his professor had said would be on the test. Making the study guide alone had taken him a good bit of time, but now came for the actual studying part, which was easier said than done considering that Johnny was running on 3 hours of sleep per night for the past four days. After having been sitting in the chair for three and half hours now, Johnny had hardly noticed his eyes struggling to stay open, or the way his head was slowly rolling forward. He also hadn’t heard the man across from him get up to leave. What he did notice though, was that he was being tapped on his hand to wake up after a few peaceful minutes of rest, or maybe a few hours, he couldn’t tell at this point. When he drearily opened his eyes, he saw the smaller man sitting back in front of him, two coffee cups in his hands.

“Here you go. Only a few more days left, you can do it” the smaller man cheered on calmly. He held one of the cups out to Johnny, but the larger man’s brain was too tired to process correctly right now, so he just sat there in awe and confusion. So, the smaller sat the cup onto the table and slid it towards him. Johnny slowly wrapped his big hands around the container, the warmth of it melting into his palms.

“Thank you” he said to the other man, who took a cautious sip at his own hot coffee. But, he didn’t get any words in return, just a subtle head nod as he dove back into his textbook.

They fell back into silence again, both of them deep into their studies. Another two hours passed and Johnny felt like his brain was going to explode, he couldn’t cram anymore knowledge into it, but he had a good feeling that he was ready for tomorrow’s test. He picked up his coffee cup to take the last sip remaining in it, even though it had turned cold since long ago. He leaned back in the chair, stretching out his tense vertebrae as he looked out the window, the day had turned to night. Not that it was much of a surprise, he had nearly spent six hours in here after all. At that same moment though, the man across from him shut his book and stuffed it into his bag. The chair scraped along the floor as he pushed it back to stand up, slinging his bookbag around and onto his back in a fluid motion.

“W-wait!” Johnny called to him, very quickly regretting the urgency in his tone and that stutter because what the fuck was that. The other quirked an eyebrow at him as he turned his head slightly to face him. “Thanks again...for the coffee”.

“No problem” the smaller said as he turned to leave, getting ready to put his earphones in.

“What’s your name?” Johnny didn’t know why he asked, but he felt like he needed a name to go along with this odd character. The other man cocked his head, blinking questioningly at Johnny, a mix of confusion and intrigue on his face.

“Ten...my name is Ten”.

 

*

 

Johnny woke up in complete and utter fear, jumping straight to his feet when he heard Ten screaming in the distance. He ran to their bedroom, stumbling into a few obstacles, fumbling in the dark. When he opened the door, he saw Ten flailing about on the bed, covers being tossed every which way. Johnny took large strides towards Ten, crossing the room in record time. He reached a hand out to grab Ten, to wake him from whatever was causing him so much stress.

_ “He will probably lash around, and scream...when this happens, you can not wake him”  _ Doyoung’s words rang in Johnny’s head like an alarm clock suddenly going off. He stopped his arm mid reach.

“Stop! Don’t touch me! Let me go! Please!” Ten screamed at the top of his lungs. Johnny’s heart twisted in dread, Ten was having a night terror about that night. If he touched him, that would probably only add to the realism of the dream, to the scum that were hurting Ten. His knees gave out beneath him, thumping onto the carpet. He remained there, crouched on his knees beside their bed, his head resting on the side of the soft cushion. He couldn’t do anything, couldn’t help his love who was in so much pain and fear right now. It tore him up and ate away at his core, the sound of Ten screaming in agony while he sat there in silence.

“Johnny! Johnny, please save me!” he yelled, thrashing about, limbs flying all around in attempt to move his attackers away from him.

Johnny lurched at the very words, feeling suddenly so unbearably sick. That all too familiar plea that still echoed in his head like it was the same unforgetful night. His neck snapped up, looking at Ten in horror. His lower lip quivered, whether it was from the oncoming tears that he felt pricking at his eyes, the rage making his entire body shake, or the knot in his throat, he didn’t know which was the cause. Doyoung had said that he shouldn’t attempt to wake up Ten, but what if he just tried to ease the severity of the terror? Could that work? Was that safe? Johnny didn’t know, but it was worth a shot right? He was willing to try anything if it meant helping Ten through this. He rose to his feet, leaning over the bed, grabbing the headboard for support. He hovered close to Ten’s face, lowering his own to the smaller’s ear.

“It’s alright Ten. You’re safe, don’t worry. I’ve got you. Nobody is going to hurt you. I’m here, I’m here baby” whispers of comfort and reassurance poured from Johnny’s lips.

He hoped that Ten’s subconscious would hear him, and that it would calm him. But, it was only a hope. A rush of relief coursed through him when he saw that Ten was indeed being soothed by his words and his voice. That spark of hope burned brighter, being fueled by the miraculous event that was occurring in front of him. His whispers of solace never ending, not resting until Ten was sleeping like a baby, unbothered and untouched by any bad thoughts. Ten’s yelling became fainter and fainter, his tossing and turning slowing. When Ten laid completely still for a solid minute, breath becoming steady, only then did Johnny lean back, crouching back into his previous position, stationed at the side of the bed. He watched Ten, making sure that everything was alright. Ten rolled onto his side, facing Johnny. He groped around on the bed beside him, hand finding a rogue pillow that had been thrown about. He clutched onto it, arms wrapping tightly around it and knees drawing up to his chest while one leg hooked around it as well. He buried the lower half of his face into the material. A tear slipped out of his eye, falling over the bridge of his nose as it made its way towards the mattress.

“Johnny...I love you” he mumbled, voice muffled by the pillow.

“I love you too, Ten”. The Johnny in his dream loved him, and so did the Johnny sitting right beside him.

 

*

 

Biology test; done. Johnny had a skip in his step as he made his way across campus. He didn’t know his result yet, but he had a good feeling that he scored well. But, even though he had just finished this final, he had another one tomorrow, and that meant that he had more studying to do right this minute. Fucking economics, he rolled his eyes. He stepped up the stairs of the dreaded library, heaving the doors open without much thought, it was more of an instinct at this point. The library was a little more empty this time, some students must have already finished their finals and headed home for the summer. Those gifted students whose exams weren’t scheduled on the last few days of school, Johnny envied them, he didn’t want to be on this campus for another minute. But, at least his economics final was his last one tomorrow, after that he was scot-free to do anything.

He scanned the open seats, much more available spots than yesterday. He walked to the end of the library, seeing what all of his options were before he decided on a seat. There was a seat off to his left that he could sit by himself at. But to his right, he saw the cute boy from yesterday sitting in his same spot. This time he was bundled up in an oversized hoodie, leaning on his arm that rested on the table while reading another book that also laid on the table. Johnny could ignore him and go off to the other table by himself, but this guy peaked his interest for some odd reason. He found himself making his way to him.

“Hey” Johnny said once he was close enough to the other for him to hear without his voice being too loud for library standards.

“Hi” the other said meekly, voice hoarse and nose a light red. He looked completely different from yesterday. Yesterday he was well put together and sharp, today however, no offense but he looked like he had been run over. A look of confusion and worry mixed onto Johnny’s expression, but before he could sit down or say anything else, Ten spoke up.

“You probably shouldn’t sit here today, I’m sick” he huffed, coughing lightly at the end of the statement for added emphasis.

“Oh...okay” Johnny mumbled, a little let down because he was concerned and was pushed away. He turned on his heel, his grip tightening on the strap of his bookbag as he walked away.

Several minutes passed with Ten trying to study his notes in peace, but it was so hard. His head was pounding, he couldn’t breathe through his nose, his throat felt like it had been carved at with a knife, and it looked like there was a film developing over his eyes making it hard for him to see. The words on his book were beginning to swirl around and it was making him nauseous. He needed to rest his eyes, just for a few minutes. He was almost blissfully asleep when he felt someone tapping his hand to wake him. He peeled his eyes open, a very audible whine emitting from his throat out of annoyance. When he opened his eyes, he was surprised to see that tall fucker again. Hadn’t he turned him away minutes ago?

“Here” Johnny said as he scooted a cup of something towards Ten’s hand. “It’s hot green tea with honey. It should help you feel a little better” a glowing smile emerged from his lips as he spoke. That smile, Ten didn’t know if it was from his fever or what, but it felt so warm, numbing almost. Ten cupped the hot container between his palms.

“Thank you” he croaked, taking the tiniest sip from it since it was still scalding. The hot liquid cascaded over his raw throat, soothing the irritated area as it dripped down.

“Think of this as my thanks for yesterday. Who knows how long I would have slept if you hadn’t have woken me up. I could have failed my final” Johnny laughed a little too loudly, instantly hushing himself when he saw Ten wince from his boisterous voice, sounding like pots and pans being banged on in his skull. Johnny saw Ten opening his mouth to retaliate again as he slung his bag off of his back and plopped down into the seat across from him.

“And don’t worry, I don’t get sick easily” he praised himself, shooting Ten with a sly wink as he opened his laptop. Neither of them could tell if it was a flirtatious wink or a cocky wink, but either way, Johnny sure was proud of himself right now.

Ten let him do as he pleased, one final huff of defeat escaping his mouth before he turned his attention back to his textbook that was on child first aid and CPR this time. Johnny got the memo, Ten wanted a career that involved working with kids, that was cute. At least he knew what he wanted to do career wise, while Johnny himself had no clue what he wanted to do. They studied quietly for several hours. Johnny glanced out the window now and then, watching fondly as the sun set, a pretty orange and pink hue painting the sky. The colors leaked through the window and sat comfortably on the boy in front of him as well. They matched his pastel pink hoodie, and the orange tint made his skin look golden and beautiful. Ten looked up when he could sense that Johnny had been staring at him for a while. He looked at him through his black fringe, slightly wavering once he met eyes with Johnny. He closed his textbook with a loud thump, quickly shoving it into his bag. He stood up too quickly, becoming a little dizzy and his balance being thrown off for a second. Johnny instinctively jumped up to help steady him, but Ten corrected himself and didn’t need his help. He pulled up his bag and Johnny couldn’t help but notice the expression of strain on his face, and the tiniest whine that was caught in his throat.

“Let me help you with that” Johnny offered as he put his own belongings back into his bag and swung it over his shoulder, “I’ll carry it for you. Where is your dorm?”.

“You don’t have to do that” Ten tried to chuckle at the request, to make light of the situation.

“Please, I want to” Johnny insisted, grabbing hold of Ten’s bag and slinging it over his other shoulder.

“...alright” Ten caved.

They walked in complete silence as Ten led Johnny to his dorm. It was awkward to say the least, but Johnny was doing this out of the goodness of his heart and it was too late to back out now. Their pace was slow, and Johnny couldn’t tell if it was because of Ten being sick, or the large difference in the length of their legs. But, Johnny didn’t complain, he let Ten go at whatever pace he was comfortable with. He thanked the heavens when he noticed that Ten’s dorm building had an elevator, because he didn’t think that Ten could manage to walk up any stairs right now, and he didn’t know if carrying a stranger that he just met yesterday would bode well. He recognized this building though, it was one of the freshman dorm buildings. So Ten was a freshman huh? That made sense, what with how hard working the younger seemed to be. That freshman work ethic that Johnny still wished he had. They reached the door to Ten’s dorm, the smaller turning awkwardly to Johnny once they stepped in front of it.

“Well, thank you...um...?” Ten led on, waiting for Johnny’s response. But, Johnny was thick headed and it took a moment for him to understand what Ten was getting at.

“Johnny” he spluttered quickly once he connected the dots. God why was he so embarrassing.

“Thank you for carrying my things and walking me home, Johnny” Ten used the best of his abilities to smile to the tall man in front of him.

“No problem” Johnny hummed. They exchanged glances too long for comfort, this awkward air looming around them, but at the same time, they felt no need to rush away from one another.

Ten held out his hand, waiting for Johnny to do something. So, he took Ten’s hand in his, shaking it. When he let go Ten kept his hand in the air, shocked by what had just happened. Johnny was beyond puzzled. The smaller bursted out laughing, that is, a laugh hard enough for a sick man to let out without fainting. His laugh was so pretty, a symphony of high pitched giggles. The way that his lips turned up at their corners, his nose scrunched up, and his dark irises became hard to see because of his now crescent shaped eyes. It was all so pretty. It clicked into his head suddenly why Ten was laughing at him. He shrugged the bag from his shoulder off and gently placed it into Ten’s still outreached hand.

“Good luck on your final” Johnny murmured, a small dust of pink rising to his cheeks out of embarrassment.

“You too” Ten responded as he unlocked his door and shuffled his way inside.

“Rest well. Get better soon, Ten” Johnny shoved in there before Ten had time to shut his door.

“...thanks, Johnny” the younger smiled shyly, then his door clicked shut.

 

*

 

Johnny slid a mug of hot coffee towards Ten who was sitting comfortably at the island in the middle of their kitchen. The smaller was currently chowing down on a plate full of scrambled eggs and toast with jelly. Johnny sipped at his own coffee as he leaned his back against the counter behind him, watching Ten happily stuff his face.

“Tennie” Johnny called fondly to the man across the room. Ten hummed in a questioning tone, meaning that Johnny had his attention. “Do you remember anything from last night? After you went to bed I mean?”. Ten cocked his head, staring up at nothing while he was deep in thought.

“No, why?” he asked, taking another bite of toast.

"Well...I don’t know if you want to hear this, but um...” Johnny hesitated. Was this bad? Was it okay to let Ten know what he was unconsciously going through? Would it freak him out? “...you had a night terror last night”.

“I did?” Ten questioned, the fork that he had with a scoopful of eggs coming towards his mouth halting.

“Yeah” Johnny said airily, his voice barely coming out. “I uh...” Johnny paused to gather his words and to calm his breathing, because just thinking back on it made his heart race all over again. “...I woke up because I heard you screaming, and when I went to the bedroom you were kicking and flailing on the bed”. He stopped to let Ten say something, but he didn’t, because what was Ten really supposed to say about that? So, he continued, “I didn’t know what to do...Doyoung told me that when it happens I’m supposed to just leave you alone, that you’re supposed to ride the episode out on your own” Johnny’s words were coming out a bit faster now, too fast for him to think them over before saying them. “I was so scared, Ten. So worried about you. All I wanted to do was hold you. To kiss your face and tell you that everything is alright. But I can’t do that” Johnny was crying now, shaking from all of the emotions.

“Johnny, please don’t cry” Ten said softly as he got up to hand him a paper towel. “You know, you’ll make me cry if you do” Ten took a small jab at him. Johnny huffed out a pained laugh as he wiped his tears away and cleaned up his face.

Ten sat back down at the island, but he didn’t touch his food anymore, just opting for the coffee that Johnny had given him. Both of them stayed there in silence for a while as Johnny regained his composure and gathered his thoughts. He sat his coffee mug down onto the counter with a clack and walked out of the kitchen to find his coat. He dug around in its pocket until he pulled out the paper that Doyoung had given him. He stepped back into the kitchen, taking the seat across from Ten. He scooted the paper on its back so that it was facing up over to Ten.

“This is the number for a psychiatrist that Doyoung recommends us to go to. He said that this psychiatrist specializes in circumstances like ours” Johnny explained to Ten.

“How much do they charge?” he asked, picking up the piece of paper warily.

“I don’t know” Johnny was honest. Ten looked at him like he was trying to unfold him, to read him piece by piece.

“If you think that it will help, I’ll go. Going in for one consultation to get a feel for it can’t hurt after all” Ten obliged, handing the paper back to Johnny.

Johnny called to make the appointment and was beyond surprised when he was able to get one for the very same day. He told Ten to get ready and nagged at him to dress warmly since the days were getting colder and colder now that winter was approaching. The office wasn’t too unreasonably far, a comfortable 45 minutes away. Johnny couldn’t help but notice the way that Ten shook his leg anxiously in the car.

“Don’t worry, if you don’t like it we can figure something else out” Johnny assured him.

“Don’t be so doting okay? I’m going to try my best too” he gave Johnny a strong smile, or maybe it was more so for himself. Johnny looked at Ten fondly for a few more seconds before he returned his attention to the road. Ten was so strong, always had been.

They sat patiently in the waiting room of the pristine office. Despite Ten’s declaration earlier, Johnny could tell that he was still nervous by the way that he was flitting about in his seat, picking up magazines and skimming through them, less to read them and more so to have something to occupy him. To be honest, he was nervous too. It was the first time for either of them to be doing anything like this. Johnny didn’t really know what he was expecting, but hopefully this would at least help them a little bit. They didn’t have to wait long, the door to a separate room opening and a small man, not as small as Ten though, standing in the frame of the door.

“Nice to meet you Ten and Johnny, my name is Lee Taeyong”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please feel free to yell at me about anything in the story. I welcome anything from criticism to praise lol.


	4. Alcohol is a Great Wingman

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I somehow had a spark of inspiration and milked it until it was dry because I wrote this chapter in one day. Not really any sad times this chapter, but tooth rotting fluff.

Johnny heaved the heavy boxes of luggage into his new room, making sure not to trip over any of the boxes that Yuta had scattered haphazardly all over the floor. Yuta had been his roommate last year, and they tolerated each other enough to the point where they wanted to room together again. It was the start of their third year and this year they decided to go in on an apartment near campus together. It was cheaper than the cost of on campus housing, especially when split between three people, because Yuta also had his boyfriend living with him.

He plopped a box onto his bed with a thump before heading back out to carry more inside. He was in a rush to get this done as quickly as possible so that he could start putting his room together, but that only made him miss seeing one of the boxes on the living room floor. He came down with a very ungraceful crash. Yuta, who had just stepped into the door frame cackled an obnoxious laugh at the sight.

“Watch where you’re going man, you don’t want to break a leg and already have to skip class. Save those days for when you’re hungover or when you’re ‘sick’” he said between snickers.

“If you would put away your shit like a normal human being, then I wouldn’t have to dodge your landmines” Johnny yapped.

“It’s not my problem that you don’t know how to control your grotesquely long limbs” Yuta tutted.

“No, but it _will_ be your problem that you don’t know how to control that mouth of yours”

“You don’t scare me Youngho, I’ve seen you cry over Mufasa’s death in The Lion King when you were drunk at Taeil’s party last semester”

“That was a low time for me and you know it” Johnny retorted with an air of hurt and betrayal. Yuta only shrugged his shoulders in a way that made something itch under Johnny’s skin.

“How would you feel if I told Winwin about that time when you had to skip out on your one year anniversary because you were too hungover to even function?” Johnny pursed his lips and cocked his head, feigning resemblance to actually considering doing just that.

“You wouldn’t dare” Yuta stilled, suddenly very serious.

“Buy me coffee after this and we’re even”

“You’re an astute man, Seo Johnny”

“Pleasure doing business with you”

“And you’re a huge dick, you know that?”

“Oh I know, that’s what I think to myself every time I’m in the shower” he grinned to himself when he heard a sharp scoff emit from the younger across the room.

“I hope you know that I hate your guts”

“And here I thought that you agreed to live with me again because you loved me. Masochism sure is becoming popular nowadays” he patted Yuta on the shoulder as he walked past him to bring in more luggage.

It was about 3PM now and the two of them, along with Winwin were walking together to one of the cafes on campus. Johnny was still getting his revenge by hanging off of Yuta, using his large body frame to drape across the smaller’s, making it considerably harder for him to walk properly.

“You don’t get jealous about him being like this?” Yuta pouted to Winwin, referring to the big oaf that was sprawled on top of him.

“No...Johnny is like _super_ straight. Plus, why would I worry about him falling for you when there are so many better guys out there?” Winwin responded shortly.

The whine that Yuta let out embarrassed Johnny to the point of even being near him, not wanting people to think he knew him. Winwin quickly hushed Yuta’s worries though, saying something along the lines of it was just a joke and that of course he’s the best man in the world. They were gross like that sometimes. A lot of the time.

They reached the cafe, Yuta heaving in exaggeration when Johnny finally stood back up properly, no longer supporting the weight of this over six foot tall man. Their conversation hushed slightly when they walked to the center of the cafe, eyeing the menu that hung from the ceiling. It didn’t take long for Johnny to decide what he wanted, taking a slow step towards the counter as his eyes dragged from the menu to the employee that was working diligently behind the counter.

There stood the the black haired boy from last semester; _Ten_. Johnny felt like he had been punched in the gut, coming to a sudden stop. What was all this about? Why did he feel so _small_ in the presence of this kid?

“Yuta, you’re buying my drink anyway, why don’t you order?” he mumbled lowly, a challenge for his two friends behind him to hear. “I’ll go save us a seat since it’s kinda busy in here” Johnny darted away before either of the two other men could retaliate.

He opted for one of the farthest tables away, but still in sight of the counter. Ten was in a white button up shirt, light brown apron hanging loosely from his neck that landed around his kneecaps. The article of clothing looked more like a blanket hanging off of his body than an apron, and Johnny was soon very much aware again of how small Ten was.

He watched as his friends approached the counter, watched as Ten greeted them politely, and watched more as they lingered there longer than necessary for just ordering coffee. Ten and Winwin were chatting lightly between themselves, and it was at this moment when Johnny saw Ten actually _smile_ , big and bright. He had smiled lightly when Johnny had taken him back home, but this was different. He felt the comfort oozing from the younger, looking as if he had actually let all of his guards down. Johnny would be completely lying if he said that he didn’t crave to be on the receiving end of that smile.

Johnny paused from his glaring — admiring? — when he noticed that Yuta and Winwin were coming back towards him, all three of the men exchanging small parting waves to one another.

“Who’s that?” Johnny stirred in his seat, pitifully attempting to look composed.

“His name is Ten, he was my roommate last semester” Winwin replied casually.

“He seems nice” Johnny muttered unintentionally, not really meaning for it come out verbally, only a thought that he had swirling around in his head.

“He’s pretty shy...but he’s really sweet when he gets used to you. And he’s the hardest worker I know, he always had his face buried in his books. I would tell him that his eyes were going to rot out if he stared at the small print on the books any longer. I would try to get him to come along to parties and such, to make other friends, but it’s just not his scene. I think he’s cursed with workaholic syndrome”

“Why didn’t you want to be his roommate this semester too?” Johnny questioned halfheartedly, honestly too preoccupied in watching Ten from across the room.

“Hmmmm lets see...staying with my roommate again with whom I’ve only known for one year, or my boyfriend?” Winwin made unnecessary balance scale motions with his hands.

The buzzer that had gone unnoticed to Johnny’s eyes suddenly made its presence known, obnoxious vibrations sounding as it shook across the table, signalling that their order was ready.

“Well since I payed for the coffee, the least you can do is go up and get it” Yuta said slyly as he was already in the middle of getting himself comfortable next to Winwin.

Johnny scoffed, even though he was already reluctantly rising from his seat. He had the worst friends. He trudged his way toward the counter with what he believed to be confidence, that is until he saw Ten patiently waiting for him to pick up the order with the tray in his hands. He picked up the pace of his steps, Ten’s lingering gaze and small grin willing him to come closer.

“Thanks...” Johnny mumbled, and that was it, that’s all that was needed for him to be able to walk away. But, of course he couldn’t keep his big mouth shut. “How long have you been working here?”

“Nice to see you again too” the smaller teased, and Johnny held in an embarrassed groan that was tempting in his throat. “I just started working here” Ten answered nonetheless.

“Really? You move around like you’ve been working here for a while” as if Johnny couldn’t get any more awkward, he managed to beat his own record. Ten raised his eyebrows questionably at him, making Johnny stumble over his words to save himself. “I-I mean, you’re really good at your job.”

“Thanks” Ten giggled. He fucking _giggled_. And why that set Johnny’s world ablaze was a mystery to him.

“So listen...I know that you hardly know me...but my friends and I are going to a party this weekend. You know, beginning of the year mistakes and all. And I was wondering if you would like to come.”

Johnny panicked when Ten didn’t respond immediately. The younger glanced down to the counter in front of him, seeming to think things over.

“I-I know that you work really hard, but I think that you deserve a break. It’s not healthy to run yourself into the ground like you do. I mean last time I saw you, you could hardly function because of exhaustion” Johnny knew he was rambling now, finding every reason he could think of to convince Ten to come.

“I’ll go” Ten spoke up suddenly, cutting him off. Thank god, because Johnny was getting tired of hearing his own voice.

“Alright...it’s a date then” Johnny said as he straightened his posture, puffing out his chest in mild triumph. “N-not like a _date_...I mean um...y’know?” he spluttered when Ten quirked a teasing eyebrow at him.

“I get it” Ten eased his nerves, the statement coming out more like a hum and less like actual words.

“Great! Not to make this more weird or anything...but if you give me your number I can text you the address of the place” Johnny mumbled.

Ten chuckled, amused by Johnny’s lack of grace. He gave him his number with a little trouble on Johnny’s part due to his struggle to type the numbers correctly in his phone, because when had he started shaking?

Ten sent him off with his coffee, his number, and a promise to meet next weekend. Johnny had a feeling, he just _knew_ , that this year was going to be great.

 

*

 

Johnny and Ten sat anxiously on the couch together as Taeyong eyed them down.

“I’m sure this is uncomfortable for the both of you, but please know that this is for your best interest” Taeyong stated calmly, Johnny and Ten nodding their heads in uncanny unison. “Don’t be so uptight, I want this to be a comfortable environment for the both of you. Make yourselves at home, kick your feet up on the table, do whatever you want, I’m here to help you. But, if you want my help, you’re going to have to trust me.”

“Alright” Ten spoke up first, making Johnny’s heart swell because Ten was actually responding well.

“Good...now as for today, we’re going to start light, today is just an introduction so that I can get to know you. So, please feel free to tell me about yourselves. You can tell me whatever you want, this is a safe space” Taeyong hummed, leaning back in his chair and folding his hands together that were rested on his lap.

Johnny and Ten introduced themselves, telling Taeyong what they do for a living, telling him about each other and whatnot. Taeyong listened intently to them, observing their behavior and mannerisms as they spoke, especially the way they stared longingly at each other when the other spoke. Taeyong exhaled slowly when the two finished, a moment of silence looming over the three of them.

“I’ll tell you this right now...I think that you have a good chance at overcoming this, Ten” Taeyong smiled warmly to the dark haired man across from him.

“R-really?” Ten perked up, an excited tone in his voice that didn’t go unnoticed by either of the other men.

“Really. You’re lucky to have a man who already loves you so unconditionally, who’s willing to put in the work and emotion to help you through this. It’s truly sad how many cases come see me who have nobody to lean on” Taeyong’s face softened.

Ten and Johnny turned to each other, grinning lightly, pleased with the news they were hearing. Johnny wanted to hold Ten’s hand, wanted to show him that of course he’ll be here for him, but pushed that desire to the back of his mind and locked it away.

“So,” Taeyong cleared his throat, shuffling in his seat to adjust to another comfortable position. “I’ll give you an overview of how this treatment is going to work. You can see me whenever you see fit, but I usually recommend once or twice a week. During these appointments, I’ll have you two getting comfortable again with the idea of touching. First, we’ll start off with just talking about it, reminiscing on the times when you happily touched each other, like holding hands, or your first kiss. Then as the appointments progress, hear me out on this even though it might sound scary Ten, I’m going to have you initiate touch with Johnny. We’ll go by your pace, never forcing you to do something you don’t want to. Even if all you do is poke him with one finger that’s enough, it’s getting somewhere, right? That’s what this treatment is all about, you can never be too slow, because any improvement that you make is enough.”

Ten and Johnny were a little speechless. Taeyong made the procedure sound so simple, but they both knew that it was surely much harder than it seemed. Johnny briefly pondered that Taeyong was good at motivating people, a skill that surely didn’t go wasted in his field of work. Ten and Johnny exchanged glances again, reading each other’s expression like an open book.

“That sounds good” Johnny spoke for the both of them.

“Perfect” Taeyong clasped his hands together in content. “And of course, if something doesn’t seem to be working out, we’ll find a way around it. Just tell me if you want to try something else. We’re going to work this out together” he smiled warmly to the both of them. “Unless you have some questions, feel free to go on your way. That’s all that I wanted to inform you about today. I’m sure that you two want to talk things over, just know that I’m here if you want to schedule another appointment and then we’ll actually start the treatment” he said as he rose from his seat.

He held out his hand to Johnny, who took it in a firm handshake, and offered Ten a friendly head nod. They were almost out the door when Taeyong spoke up from further within the room.

“Oh! I almost forgot. Doyoung pulled some strings for you, so don’t worry about the money.” Johnny and Ten’s mouths hung agape.

“I-I don’t know how to thank you” Johnny blabbered.

“Just come to the next meeting. I _want_ to help you two” he smiled fondly at the both of them.

All Johnny could do was nod his head foolishly, still too shocked to find the strength to form words to describe the emotions he was feeling. Both of them left Taeyong’s office without anymore words. No questions asked, they were determined to come back.

 

*

 

The bass boomed against Johnny’s eardrums, a sound and feeling he had grown accustomed to. He had a cup of...honestly he’s not quite sure what, some drunk guy he didn’t know had handed it to him before he scurried off to shove more into other people’s hands. He took a swig at it, a concoction of nearly every alcohol he could think of punching him in the face. He sat the cup down without further need to drink anymore, because he didn’t hate himself _that_ much.

He wandered into the kitchen, finding Yuta and Winwin hiding away to escape the dizzying music and suffocating humidity of sweaty bodies dancing in the living room.

“Have you guys seen Ten yet?” he asked as he poured himself a glass of water from the tap, trying to get the foul taste of the drink from earlier out of his mouth.

“No, not yet” Winwin replied.

“You got stood up man” Yuta snickered, earning him a jab in the side from his boyfriend.

“It’s not a date you moron, just an invitation for him to get out of his dorm room and the library. Y’know, to live a little” Johnny rolled his eyes.

“Sure thing loverboy, when were you going to tell us you were gay?” Yuta wasn’t going to budge.

“Fuck off” Johnny snapped at him, chugging his water and placing the glass in the sink before heading back out into the living room.

Johnny wasn’t gay, he himself knew that much. This was just a way for him to help Ten, because for some odd reason, he felt the urge to — protect? — the younger. And maybe to make friends with him as well, because he would be lying if he said that he didn’t want Ten to be a good influence on him.

He slid through the assortment of mingled bodies, weaving his way in and out to another end of the house. He found his way to a bit more open hallway, still occupied with a slew of drunk young adults, but more tolerable than the living room. He walked down the expanse of the hallway, glancing into rooms that had their doors open, but never opening closed doors because only heaven knows what could be behind them. He turned around when he didn’t find what he was looking for, already planning where to head next.

When he tracked back through the hallway, he spotted Ten coming in through the entrance door. He blamed the jump he felt in his heart on the exceptionally loud bass that was blasting on this song, and the several shots that he had taken earlier.

“Did you have trouble finding the place?” Johnny spoke into the younger’s ear so that he could hear him over the music, slinging an arm around his shoulder as he led him deeper into the house.

“No, I honestly just couldn’t decide on what to wear” Ten mumbled, and honestly if they hadn’t been in a area of the house that was a little more quiet, he wouldn’t have heard the smaller man all together.

Ten was wearing a simple white t-shirt, and _tight_ black skinny jeans, with _rips_ in them at that. To say that this was a change from Ten’s usual wardrobe was an understatement.

“Well...I’d say that you chose just fine” Johnny muttered.

Before either of them had time to think on Johnny’s words or tone, someone was screaming to get their attention.

“Johnnnnny~” a familiar voice chimed who belonged to none other than Lucas. “Who’s this pretty lil thing?” Lucas slurred when he locked eyes with Ten, taking in the way Johnny’s arm was draped around his shoulder.

“This is Ten, my...uh...friend?” Johnny questioned, looking to Ten for an answer as he sneakily slid his arm off of the younger. Ten simply nodded, smiling up at him in a way that had Johnny practically _crooning_ out of adoration from how cute he was.

“‘Friend’...uh huh” Lucas drawled, in complete disbelief of Johnny’s words. “Have ya seen Jungoo? I can’t find em.”

“Last I saw him he was in the backyard playing some of the games set up out there.”

“Thanks man” he said as he grabbed Johnny’s shoulder and gave it a firm squeeze, either out of thanks or to help steady himself, who knows. “My room is free upstairs if you need it. Just make sure it’s clean later because imma need it” he spoke slowly as he stumbled his way in the direction of Jungwoo, disappearing in the crowd of people.

Johnny was flabbergasted. Why did all of his friends only have sex on the brain? He turned to Ten, apologizing for Lucas’s behavior and what he said, but Ten didn’t seem to mind too much, laughing it off.

“Is this his house?” Ten made small talk.

“Kind of. It’s more like the fraternity’s. He just lives here along with some of the other members” Johnny answered as he led Ten by the wrist into the kitchen again.

Yuta and Winwin were gone off to who knows where and doing who knows what. He poured Ten a shot, wanting the younger to loosen up a bit tonight. He held it out to him, a little worried when Ten didn’t take it from him.

“Wait don’t tell me...” Johnny blinked blankly at the younger, “are you not 20 yet?” immediately feeling bad for assuming Ten was of legal drinking age and pulling him out to this party where half the fun was drinking.

“No, I am” Ten reassured, “I just...haven’t drank before” he admitted.

“Ah...so that’s it” Johnny hummed. “Well, I’m not going to force you. But, it feels really good when you hit that tipsy stage. You feel like you’re floating on air and that you can do anything” he said as he sat the glass onto the table, waiting to see what Ten would do.

Ten took the glass into his hand, staring into the clear liquid intently before throwing it and his head back. He put the shot glass onto the table with a clink, sticking his tongue out in disgust after he swallowed it.

He was _so_ cute, brows pinched together as he made small grabby hands for something else to wash it down. Johnny momentarily felt bad for not preparing a chaser for Ten ahead of time.

“That’s awful” Ten pouted before Johnny gave him a can of soda to help.

“I didn’t say it would taste good” Johnny teased, taking in Ten’s displeased face one last time before the soda worked its magic. “Do you dance?”

The question was so abrupt that Ten nearly choked on his drink, a little bit dribbling down his chin. Johnny apologized for taking him off guard and grabbed a paper towel to blot at his face. Only to be told by the younger that he could do it himself and Johnny found himself reeling back and apologizing for touching him.

“I uh...I do dance actually” Ten confirmed, and honestly that hadn’t been the answer Johnny had expected. “I’m in the school’s dance club” he concluded as he tossed the paper towel into the trash can.

“Really?!” Johnny raised his eyebrows in astonishment, internally cringing when he realized he was being a little over the top. “I uh...just hadn’t expected you to like dancing.”

“I like it a lot, but I’m not sure how I would fair with this type of music” Ten looked towards the living room where heavy EDM was being played.

“Only one way to find out” Johnny hummed as he took hold of Ten’s wrist again, leading him in the direction of the dance floor.

“Wait, Johnny” he whined, and Johnny’s heart literally flipped backwards when he finally heard Ten say his name again since last semester.

“It’ll be alright, everyone is drunk so they won’t remember anything. And I’m positive you’ll be better than me” he glanced over his shoulder, winking to the smaller man.

Despite his shyness, Ten let Johnny take him to the dance floor. He was surrounded by a bunch of people, way too close for comfort. When it all got a bit too overwhelming from the blaring music and these people he didn’t even know pressing up against him, Johnny slid in to ground him. He held him by the shoulders, steadying him as he offered a friendly smile to encourage him. For some reason, Ten felt safe under Johnny’s gaze, like he wasn’t going to allow anything bad to happen to him. And it’s precisely that reason why Ten actually unwound in front of the elder.

They danced and danced, Johnny’s speculations of Ten being better than him only backed up when he finally got to see Ten in his element. The night progressed with the both of them being passed random drinks throughout the night. They were gross, but they kept them from falling off of their high. At some point into the night, someone stumbled into Ten and poured some of their drink onto his shirt.

“Oh no!” Johnny pouted as he fumbled drunkenly at Ten’s soiled shirt. He mumbled something that Ten couldn’t hear, but it didn’t really matter because Johnny was already leading him upstairs.

The two of them both pretty equally plastered, tried their best at tackling the stairs, the action taking much longer than necessary. Johnny’s hand wasn’t wrapped around Ten’s wrist anymore, but instead their hands were clasped together. Ten didn’t say anything though, worried that if Johnny let go he would fall backwards.

They stumbled into a bathroom with Johnny wetting a hand towel to dab at whatever the brown liquid was on Ten’s shirt.

“Shouldn’t have worn white” Ten muttered jokingly, earning him a bubbly laugh from the elder who was very much tipsy.

Johnny finished cleaning up Ten, who once again said that he could do it himself, but this time Johnny insisted that he do it. Ten followed Johnny out of the bathroom, noting the confused look on one of the girls who was waiting to go in as they walked out together. Johnny said something about wanting some fresh air, and that made sense once Ten realized that he was opening the doors to a balcony. He leaned on the railing as he sighed in content, chuckling deeply when he felt Ten fisting at the back of his shirt to pull him up straight, whining about how being close to the railing like that worried him.

Despite Ten’s protests, the two of them both found themselves relying on the railing to hold themselves up. Johnny glanced out at the display of students partying in the backyard, a dopey smile spread across his face. He turned to Ten, cocking his head out of fondness before he spoke.

“I’m glad you came, Ten” he drawled, a mixture of sleepiness and the alcohol clouding his brain.

“Me too” Ten hummed, turning his head just enough to look Johnny in the eye. He could feel the heat burning at his face, resorting to blaming it on the dancing and the alcohol.

“Do you have a fever?” Johnny lifted a swaying hand to Ten’s face, cupping his cheek with his palm.

Ten turned towards him more now, and Johnny could have swore even in his _very_ drunk state right now that Ten leaned into the touch. His eyes fluttered shut, a pleased sigh emitting from his lips from Johnny’s warm hand. Ten was...so pretty right now. The backyard was well lit, but moonlight still bathed him in a way that made him look ethereal. There were people right below them, but they somehow felt so secluded, this small balcony suddenly feeling so intimate.

Johnny leaned in close to Ten before he could stop himself, pressing a delicate kiss to his lips. He leaned back just enough to look into Ten’s eyes, who had opened them once he felt Johnny’s lips against his. He closed his eyes, being drawn back into Ten’s soft lips like an addictive drug. They were slow, lips languid and pliant against each other from the alcohol in their system. Johnny found purchase with his spare hand on Ten’s hip, thumb sliding under the hem of his shirt to glide lightly over his hot skin.

Ten whimpered at the touch, pulling off of Johnny with a gasp. But, Johnny needed more. He used his hand that was cupping his cheek to circle around to the back of Ten’s head. He cradled his head as he pulled Ten back into him, lips crashing together a bit messily. Johnny relished in the small whines and moans that Ten was making in his mouth, playing with his hair to edge the younger on more.

They were rudely interrupted by some other smashed student, claiming to be looking for the bathroom when he opened the doors to the balcony. When he left Johnny was soon very much aware of the fact that he was still holding Ten, and what he had just done.

“SHIT! Fuck...Ten I...I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me” he flung his arms off of the younger. He panicked when Ten didn’t say anything in turn. Panicked even more when he noticed that Ten was staring at him, lips wet, hair disheveled, and face flushed. This was dangerous. _He_ was dangerous. “I’m not gay, I swear. This wasn’t why I invited you here. Please don’t hate me. I’m drunk, I’m sorry. I don’t know what I’m talking about” Johnny rambled, throwing out everything that crossed his brain into the air.

“It’s alright, I understand” Ten replied soothingly, a tone that Johnny envied he could muster up even when he was just as drunk as him.

“I’ll have Winwin take you home...I think I’m too drunk to do it. Stay here, I’ll go find him” he mumbled, swaying as he turned around to leave.

Johnny walked as quickly as he could as he fled from the scene. He touched his lips experimentally, still tingling from the feeling of Ten’s being on his. His heart was miles ahead of his brain, beating uncontrollably while his mind tried desperately to catch up.

God...what a start to the year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been my favorite chapter to write so far, I'm truly weak for soft and embarrassing JohnTen.
> 
> Tell me, do you all like the switch back and forth between present and past? Or is it confusing?


	5. Firsts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaand the therapy begins.

“So what you’re telling me here is that you didn’t smash that cutie from last night?” Lucas asks with much more ease than Johnny was anticipating despite how hammered he was last night. How is it that all of his friends for the most part came out of this unscathed, but here he was with a pounding headache, a horrid taste in his mouth, and a sneaking suspicion that he was going to puke all of his sins up.

“I’ve told you time and time again that Ten is just a friend” Johnny whined, belching from the disgusting mixture of alcohol in his stomach. The aftertaste alone was almost enough to make him throw up then and there, silently opting not to burp again anytime soon. “And why aren’t you guys as fucked up as me?”

“You took your chances with the bucket of party punch, I don’t fuck with that shit even when I’m smashed. That’s just asking for lights out. Anyways-” Johnny literally groaned so loud because he already knew where this was headed again, “-from what Jungwoo tells me, it sure doesn’t sound like he’s ‘just a friend’” Lucas parrots Johnny’s voice and words from before, mocking him.

Johnny turns to Jungwoo, shooting him with the most intimidating scowl that he can muster up right now — which isn’t much since he can’t really feel his face. He might still be a little drunk. “You fucking snitch.”

“Sorry, I didn’t know about your secret affair. Maybe next time you want to eat face with your ‘friend’ you shouldn’t do it in plain sight on a balcony. That’s like literally putting on a show” Jungwoo retorted calmly, but with all the sass you can imagine. A trademark quality of his. He shoved a spoonful of cereal into his mouth, rolling his eyes at another set of daggers that Johnny was shooting his way.

“The more important question right now is if you liked it” Yuta said as he walked into the kitchen, joining in on the conversation immediately with WinWin following close behind him.

“Christ, not you too” Johnny silently sobbed to himself, smothering his face with his hands, elbows propped up on counter.

“Calm down princess, I’m asking if you liked the kiss, not if you wanna suck his dick” Yuta snapped at him, voice much too loud for Johnny’s ringing ears.

Johnny opened and closed his mouth several times, about to make a witty remark, but stopping himself every time. “...It wasn’t bad” he mumbled instead.

“And there you have it folks!” Yuta threw his hands up in victory, “Johnny isn’t 100% straight! Who would have thought?! Tune in next week to see how our loverboy recovers from this shocking news!”

“Screw you guys, I’m going home” Johnny spat, mildly impressed by the way he was able to stand on his two legs without loosing his balance.

He walked out of the kitchen, ignoring the snickering from the other men as he left. He was in the middle of putting on is coat — which had been somehow moved from the coat rack to...the ceiling fan — when he noticed WinWin approaching him.

“Are you going to talk to Ten?” he asked nonchalantly. Johnny blinked slowly, utterly confused for a little too long.

“...I said I was going home, and I’m a man of my word. I want nothing more than to take several pain killers, sleep into oblivion, and maybe throw up.”

“Well you _should_ talk to him. Ten is...delicate. He’ll think you’re mad at him if you don’t talk to him.”

“...Can’t I wait until he’s ready to talk to _me_?” Johnny muttered, brain slowly trying to understand what WinWin was saying.

“You honestly think that Ten will come to you first?” WinWin scoffed. “Ten isn’t like that. He gets in his head. Immediately blames himself when his relationships hit a bump in the road. That’s why he doesn’t have many friends. People mistake his shyness and insecurity as coldness and ultimately end up thinking that he doesn’t like them.”

Johnny internally cursed the strings in his heart that were now pulled taut from WinWin’s words. Ten’s situation was unfortunate, and Johnny will be damned if he becomes another lost friend on the younger’s list. He exhaled hard through his nose, eyes closed in thought and brows furrowed.

“Fine, I’ll talk to him. Even though it’s going to take years off of my life out of embarrassment. But, can I please do it tomorrow? I really need to like pass out” he whined.

“I guess that’ll do” WinWin settled, it was the best that Johnny could offer.

Johnny opened the door and was almost out of the fraternity house when WinWin started talking again.

“Your welcome by the way. For taking Ten home” he waited patiently for Johnny’s thanks, arms crossed and hip popped out to the side.

“Oh, I think we’re even. I had to walk in on you going down on Yuta. Good technique by the wa-”

“Get out.”

The next day, Monday, Johnny found himself pacing back and forth in front of the cafe where Ten worked. He had come right after his classes had ended, but here he was walking in front of the store like an idiot because he hadn’t planned at all what he was going to say to him. Because really, what was he supposed to say? “Sorry I kissed you, but I was drunk, and you’re really pretty, and your lips are soft, and I kind of liked it, and-” _ah fuck_. Johnny crumbled his hair into his fist, pulling the strands taut out of frustration.

“What are you doing?” a soft yet confused voice called from behind him. Johnny nearly felt his stomach fall out of his ass when he turned around to see Ten eyeing him up and down, one eyebrow up while the other was down in a judging manner.

“Well I was uh-” he stuttered, completely blindsided by the younger's presence, “-I was coming to see you” he admitted.

Ten leaned his head back, both eyebrows raising up, mouth forming into an ‘o’ shape and letting out a silent “oh”.

“Are you going into work now?” Johnny opted into making small talk, it was better to ease himself into this conversation rather than just outright say it, right?

“No, I just got off.”

“But you didn’t come out the front door” the taller laughed nervously.

“Side door” Ten stated nonchalantly, pointing a finger in the direction of said door. “More importantly, why are you pacing around out here? I can see you inside you know? And you’ve been doing it for like ten minutes.”

Johnny wished for whatever deities there were in this world to come and smite him right this minute, because anything would be better than this embarrassment he was feeling right now.

“Well you see...I wanted to talk to you about Saturday night. But can we go someplace else? There’s a lot of people here” Johnny tried to maintain the whine in his voice at the end the best he could, but it still came out some.

Ten didn’t say anything, just nodded his head as an okay and walked alongside Johnny to wherever they were headed. Johnny didn’t know where they were going either, but he eventually decided that maybe the best place would be the library. Because taking Ten back to his dorm or Johnny’s apartment would be really weird, right? Johnny doesn’t know, he’s so bad at this.

They find a less busy corner of the library, and Johnny waits for Ten to get comfortable before he starts talking.

“So about Saturday...I’m sorry about kissing yo-”

“I’m gay, Johnny.”

Oh.

 _Oh_.

It takes Johnny a moment — or maybe several — to recover from Ten’s sudden interjection.

“A-and what do you mean by that?” Johnny stutters incredibly embarrassingly even though he was trying with all his might to be cool and composed.

“What I _mean_ is that I didn’t mind the kiss.”

“Oh” is all that Johnny is able to say. His heart is starting to have uneven pulses, skipping beats here and there, and his brain is thinking about a million things at once running at full throttle.

“Do you regret it?”

Johnny feels like he’s had the wind knocked out of him and the floor ripped out from underneath him all at once. He thinks about making a wisecrack, to ease the tension. But, the way that Ten looks waiting for his response — a little shy yet serious — makes Johnny believe that this isn’t the time for that.

“...Not if you don’t.”

It comes out unintentionally — a slip of the tongue. Really was it though? Because it was the first answer that came to Johnny’s mind, and he just spoke before his mind had time to catch up. This wasn’t how he had planned things. He had a long spiel on how he was sorry for crossing the friendship line and that if Ten is okay with it he wanted to remain _friends_.

But, he couldn’t lie to himself, the more he thought about the kiss yesterday and today, the deeper he fell. Because each time he thought about it, he realized that he kind of liked it. Okay, maybe not kind of. He _did_ like it. Johnny had been with a few girls before, hell he had been further than a _kiss_ with them. But, for some reason _this_ with Ten was a whole other story. It was like something he had never experienced before. He had never been so captivated, so enthralled by someone before in his entire life. And is was a _guy_ at that.

Johnny ruffled his hands into his hair, brows furrowing out of concentration and a small, bewildered laugh emitting from his chest. Because, what really was this situation?

“This is so weird for me, just so you know” and he panics a little when he sees Ten’s face twist into hurt. “Not you!” he assures, “just...I’ve never been...interested in a guy” he mumbles so low that he’s not even sure if Ten heard it.

Ten sighs from his nose slowly, a steady stream of air that Johnny slightly wishes that he was just as composed right now. The younger places a cautious hand over one of Johnny’s, to stop his fiddling with his hair, worried that he was going to pull it out.

“How are you so calm right now?” Johnny laughs a little, out of embarrassment to ease the awkward tension.

Ten maneuvers Johnny’s hand to his chest, placing it softly atop the material of his shirt.

“I’m not calm at all” he admits, and it’s completely true.

His heart is thudding so hard in his chest and Johnny momentarily wonders if that is healthy. For a split second, before Johnny realizes that his touch is lingering a little too long, he thinks that the time of their pulses matched up.

“This is just weird...I don’t understand” he sighs exaggeratingly, “I don’t know what I want...I don’t know if I want to be your friend or something more. I just know that I don’t want to stop being with you.”

Ten’s composed character suddenly cracks at that and Johnny gets to see the cute and flustered Ten that he likes. That’s his favorite. A blush rises from Ten’s skin, all the way from the tips of his ears and down the expanse of his neck. He can’t find the courage to look Johnny in the eye, casting his gaze to the tabletop.

They’re both silent for a while, letting their minds wander or collect, who really knows, because they don’t know.

“I’m not against dating...if you’re okay with it” Ten mutters.

Johnny didn’t know what he was expecting to come out of the younger’s mouth, but that wasn’t it. He’s thrown for a loop a little bit, having to think about the idea at the speed of light because he can already see the way Ten is collapsing on himself.

“I’d like to try that.”

Johnny knows that he’s _never_ going to hear the end of it from his friends. They had been ragging on him since day one at university how all of his friends were gay, so by default he must be too. Because how common is it to have a straight guy hang out with a plethora of gay men? He knows that they’re going to lose their shit when they get word of what’s going on between him and Ten. But, he can’t really bring himself to care at the moment, because Ten is looking at him in a way that nobody has looked at him before. It’s grateful, fond, endearing, and all things cute that has Johnny nearly cooing out of adoration.

The instantaneous hint of a smile creeping at the corners of Ten’s lips tells Johnny that that’s all he ever wants to see from the smaller. He wants his days to be filled with happiness, because he looks so radiant, and the most beautiful when he smiles.

It’s odd. This was the first place that he met Ten several months ago, fully expecting never to see him again. But, here they were, red faced and hearts pounding like middle schoolers. It’s funny the way the world works, how Ten happened to be WinWin’s old roommate, how tight knit this was. But, most of all, how it had started in this library, and now here they were fumbling with their emotions like amateurs and figuring out their feelings together.

 

*

 

“Are you nervous about today’s meeting?” Johnny asked Ten as they were driving to said appointment with Taeyong.

“A little...but I think it’s mostly excitement” he beamed an adorable smile across the car.

It had taken them three days to schedule another appointment with Taeyong. Ten regrettably had some unfinished business that needed to be taken care of. He had to fill out paperwork for him to be on paid leave from his job. Luckily, his employer and coworkers were beyond understanding, nearly shoving him out the door and telling him not to come back until he’s better and ready. Ten loved his job, loved the people he worked with, and the children. But, it wasn’t a good idea to be around the kids at this time. They were unpredictable, they wouldn’t understand why Ten couldn’t be touched, and a teacher having a panic attack in front of young children was definitely not a good idea. So, it was better to avoid the problem all together.

“I’m so proud of you, honey” Johnny’s voice is smooth.

He purses his lips, making a kissy face towards Ten, who scoffs at the cheesy act, but is soon turning pink despite his attempts to ignore Johnny’s doting.

Taeyong is patiently waiting for them in the lobby when they arrive, leaning up against the counter of the reception desk and chatting with the person sitting there. His face lights up when he sees Johnny and Taeyong. He leads them into his office, where he pours them both mugs of coffee before he speaks.

“You both probably know what we’re going to cover today, considering that I spoke lightly about it last time we saw each other” he sipped at his coffee. Ten and Johnny nod their heads at the same time, making Taeyong smile. “Alright, then are you ready to begin?”

“Yeah” Ten is a little quiet, but his tone is determined.

“Great! So, all I want you to do is talk about the first time you touched Johnny. The first time you held hands, the first time you kissed. Anything that you have strong emotional ties to.”

“The first time that we kissed...” Ten thought on the topic for a second, a sly grin forming onto his face after a few moments. He turned his head to Johnny, who was waiting for his response patiently, but confusion spread across his expression when he saw Ten’s smug face.

“What?” Johnny blubbered, completely thrown off by Ten’s wicked smile.

“I’m not going to count our actual first kiss as _t_ _he_ first kiss, because we weren’t technically dating.”

A subtle red tint bloomed atop Johnny’s cheeks, memories flooding to the forefront of that unforgettable night with Ten. Despite how much alcohol he had consumed, the way that Ten looked that night and the way his lips felt against his was more than enough to keep him from forgetting.

“You were really cute back then, you know? So clumsy and smitten” Ten teased, making Johnny groan out of embarrassment.

“Our first kiss...” Ten ponders again, looking up at the ceiling as he gathers his thoughts.

 

*

 

“I can’t believe this shit. I really CANNOT believe this shit!” Yuta exclaims, “WinWin do you hear this man?!”

“I’m right here Yuta, of course I hear him. But why are you so surprised?” WinWin rubs at his ear, soothing his poor eardrum from Yuta’s yelling.

“Why _aren’t_ you surprised? You’re the one who always said that you believe Johnny is straight.”

“And? He was, that is until he saw Ten” he concludes. All Yuta can do is roll his eyes at him.

Johnny is in the middle of getting dressed for his date with Ten, their first time actually going on a proper date. They had spent time together at the coffee shop and the library, but never actually on a _date_. It had been by Johnny’s offer of course, because he wanted to take Ten out, treat him to something more for once.

He rummaged through his closet, trying to figure out what would be best to wear and to get into the romantic mood, but that was easier said than done considering that his two _very_ annoying roommates were bickering in _his_ room.

“Can you guys stop talking about me as if I’m not right here? Thanks” he grumbled.

“Okay, but you decided just now to tell us this? How long have you been dating?” Yuta pinched the bridge of his nose, pretending as if a headache was actually sitting there.

“...three weeks. Two days after Lucas’s party.”

The look of pure offense on Yuta's face that Johnny hadn’t told him sooner and bewilderment that he hadn’t figured it out himself made Johnny hold back a laugh with all his might. WinWin raised his eyebrows in realization, glancing away back to his phone when Yuta looked to him for his reaction.

“You had something to do with this, didn’t you?” he narrowed his eyes at WinWin. The expression on WinWin’s face was suspicious, like he knew something.

“Not exactly...I just told Johnny that he should talk to Ten...not ask him out” WinWin feigned innocence.

“Nobody tells me anything around here" Yuta whined, "So, how far have you gone?” he had a sleazy edge to his voice, eyebrows wriggling in a bawdy manner. “Have you kissed him yet?”

“You know that ship sailed long ago” WinWin reminds Yuta.

“Get out” Johnny groans, shuffling the two nosy men out of his room so that he could get ready in peace.

He decided on a baby blue button up in place of his normal t-shirts and hoodies. He wanted to at least stand on the same level of fashion as Ten, he couldn’t continue to keep letting him look like he was the only one who was put together. He nervously waited at the front of the local cinema for Ten to meet him. Ten’s hours at the cafe were longer on the weekend since he didn’t have classes, but Johnny didn’t mind too much, he would wait for Ten. Tonight was chillier than it had been, in fact Johnny could see his breath when he exhaled and he was momentarily thankful that he decided to wear his beige trench coat.

Johnny’s heart perks up when he sees Ten making his way to the front of the cinema, and jumps a little more when he sees Ten picking up his pace when he spots Johnny, practically prancing towards him. He wills his heart to stop beating so quickly, because all he did was _see_ Ten and it had him racing.

“I hope I didn’t keep you waiting too long” Ten smiles up at him, bright and toothy.

“I’ve only been here for maybe eight minutes. Besides, I could wait much longer for you.”

It comes out unintentionally, but Johnny doesn’t regret it. Because it has Ten’s ears burning and the younger shoves lightly at his chest. They find their way inside the theater after buying their tickets and food, both of which Johnny insisted on paying for. It was a scary movie, and not to be cliche or anything, but Johnny didn’t get the tickets for it just to have Ten jumping into his arms. It was just that all of the other movies didn’t sound interesting.

He hadn’t expected Ten to be so affected by scary movies, but here he was startling at every little sound, slowly sinking down into his seat and letting the collar of his turtleneck ride up his face all the more. It was undeniably cute, and honestly had Johnny’s attention more than the movie itself. One particularly alarming scare made Ten bring his hands up to his eyes, shielding them from the grotesque images on the screen.

When the scary moment passed, Johnny tentatively reached up and grabbed one of Ten’s hands gently, pulling it down from his face and resting it on the armchair. Ten looked at Johnny in mild confusion and hesitation at first, until he realized the scene was over. He unwound slowly, raising his head out of his turtle-like position in his collar. Johnny’s eyes were filled with so much comfort and protection that Ten actually couldn’t look at Johnny any longer. He would rather be scared than become a blushing mess under Johnny’s gaze.

His hand was so warm, the heat melting into Ten as his gentle grip on his held steady. It was at this moment when Ten finally noticed how much larger Johnny’s hand was compared to his. It looked like Johnny’s hand was swallowing his, and something about that made Ten feel safe in Johnny’s hold. Overtime, their fingers had become tangled at some point and at the end of the movie, Ten realized that he had scooted drastically closer to Johnny than he had been at the beginning of the movie. The credits rolled and unbeknownst to both of them, they each had to force themselves to uncoil their hands. They walked out of the theater, dreading the cold air that they would be greeted with.

“I don’t know about you, but I don’t quite want this night to end-” he looked fondly down to Ten, “-how about we go and get some ice cream?”

“Ice cream?” Ten laughed “On a night like this?”

Johnny nodded cutely at him, eyes big and bright like the stars in the sky.

“Of course! There aren’t going to be any lines in the winter. And you don’t have to race to finish your ice cream before it’s a melted mess. It’s the best weather to get it!”

Ten couldn’t tell if Johnny genuinely liked getting ice cream more in the winter than the summer, but it didn’t really matter because he already found himself following Johnny to get said ice cream. After a few minutes of walking down the road and making small chit chat — mostly Johnny making a fool of himself and Ten giggling fondly — Ten’s hands started to become freezing despite having them in his jacket pockets. He took them out, blowing warm air from his mouth onto them. What he hadn’t expected was for Johnny to hold out his hand for him. No words exchanged, he just let his hand rest up in the air as they continued to walk until Ten indulged his silent plea. Their hands dropped to their sides, Ten’s hand warmly wrapped up in Johnny’s that served much better purpose than his coat. It felt so right, like it belonged there, only making Ten sigh in content.

When they got to the ice cream shop, Johnny felt a little sorry, because they were undergoing renovations, meaning they had nowhere to sit. Nonetheless, they ordered anyway, with Ten getting green tea and Johnny getting chocolate. They continued down the road, licking and munching away at their cold treats. They were on their way back to Ten’s dorm when Johnny noticed that Ten kept glancing up as they walked.

“We should sit and eat” Ten offered, already leading Johnny to a nearby vacant bench.

“But we’re close to your room...don’t you want to get inside where it’s warm?” Johnny questioned, a little concerned for Ten’s health.

“I’m fine, besides you’re plenty warm. I can just mooch off of the heat from you” he smiled in that adorable way of his, eyes big and alluring.

Johnny wasn't one to argue with Ten, ever. So, he let the smaller take him where he wanted.

They took their seats on the bench. It was quiet, a little farther off from the busier parts of campus. Despite it being a weekend, there weren’t many people walking around right now, probably because of the temperature. But, Johnny couldn’t be bothered by that right now, not when Ten was snuggled up beside him.

“What are you thinking about?” Johnny asked when the both of them had been enjoying each others silent company for a while. Ten was still staring blankly up at the sky.

“How much I like you” Ten said honestly without missing a beat. He tore his gaze away from the stars when he didn’t hear a response from Johnny in a while.

Johnny was looking at him intently. His honey eyes were warm and tender, a welcoming comfort that Ten wanted to dive into. But, there was something else there too, nervousness, hesitation. Johnny raised his hand slowly, gently placing it along Ten’s cheek. He cupped the chilled skin with his relentlessly warm hand, and Ten couldn’t help the way he instinctively leaned into the touch.

Ten had been in the middle of scooping another spoonful of ice cream, but Johnny stopped him dead in his tracks, his whole attention on the elder now. Johnny was just staring into his eyes and it was starting to make Ten anxious that he hadn’t said anything. A reassuring hand found the curve of Ten’s waist, Johnny’s fingers curling around the slim frame. He pulled Ten in close to him, not really even needing to pull, because Ten was already being drawn to him.

He was still looking Ten in the eye even when their lips brushed against one another, completely entrapped by the younger. Ten couldn’t wait any longer, taking it upon himself to meet Johnny’s lips with his. It was cold, their lips from the air and their mouths from the ice cream, but neither minded. It was more gentle than the night at the party, less clumsy with the way Johnny slid his hand from Ten’s face to the back of his neck. His other hand came up to the smaller’s chin, pulling delicately at the skin to open his mouth further. He tilted Ten’s head back, allowing himself a better angle to slip his tongue into his mouth. The air was cold all around them, but it felt like the temperature rose several degrees and Ten actually found himself getting hot.

Their tongues explored one another, taking their time as they indulged themselves. It was sweet, like the ice cream, only making them want to linger longer. Ten didn’t know what to do with his hands, so he let them rest on Johnny’s waist, grateful for the rush of warmth once he slipped past Johnny’s coat. He pulled lightly at the material of Johnny’s shirt when he felt himself getting light headed, suddenly forgetting how to breathe. Johnny pulled off, but wasn’t quite done yet, because he planted a few more small pecks against Ten’s lips. He couldn't get enough of him.

He leaned back, looking fully satisfied when he saw Ten’s face. His cheeks were blotched with red, lips glistening under the moonlight, and eyes dazed. Johnny was no better himself, panting heavily from the lack of air. He curled his fingers, massaging lightly at the nape of Ten’s neck.

“I think I should get you home now, before you become an icicle” he teased, taking hold of Ten’s small, frigid hand and encasing it with his large, warm one.

They walked hand in hand back to Ten’s dorm, hearts thrumming in their chests and pulses matching one another.

 

*

 

“It was on our first date, after we went to the movies and you took me out for _ice cream_ of all things” Ten teased.

“Hey, you still like ice cream in the winter now, so I’ll take that as a win in my book” Johnny retorted, ego at least a foot above his head.

“Okay good, talk about how you felt at that time, Ten” Taeyong smiled at the cute couple across from him.

“I was...beyond happy. Johnny was so hesitant and nervous, he was really cute” Ten grinned a little.

“Don’t tell _me_ , look at Johnny when you’re reminiscing” Taeyong said as he lifted a gesturing hand towards Johnny.

Ten bit the inside of his cheek lightly, a little embarrassed to be talking to Johnny about this, but there’s far more things that they’ve done to be embarrassed about. He crossed his legs in front of him as he lifted them onto the couch, facing him to give his full attention to Johnny.

“You were so sweet that night, concerned about my well-being and that I would get sick. So you kept trying with all your might to keep me warm, entwining our fingers and holding me close. You’re really a hopeless romantic.”

Johnny blushed lightly at the praise, willing himself to maintain eye contact with Ten right now and not cave in on himself from Ten looking at him for so long.

“How do you feel right now talking about this? Are you okay? Any uneasiness or uncomfortable feelings?”

“No, I’m fine” Ten admits. “I love thinking about our past, I always have. Because, they’re filled with happy moments that I wouldn’t trade for the world.”

“I love you” Johnny says softly.

“I love you too” Ten answers.

“How do you feel about the thought of Johnny touching you now? Compared to before?”

“The idea of Johnny touching me now...I want it, I really do...but there’s this nagging in the back of my head that keeps me from seeking it out. It says that I’ll get hurt again if someone touches me, that only bad things will come from it. It scares me...I don’t want to be scared of Johnny, but I don’t know how to reason with it” Ten had started shaking a little bit, and Johnny just wanted so badly to comfort Ten, but Taeyong was soon speaking up again.

“You know that Johnny would never hurt you, Ten. There’s no need to be scared of him. He only wants to help you, to protect you” Taeyong said calmly, hushing Ten with his soothing voice.

Small tears dripped down Ten’s cheeks, breathing in and out deeply as he tried to steady his breathing.

“Don’t cry, Tennie. You’re strong, _so_ strong. You’re going to be better in no time, I know it. Just remember how happy you were when we touched before. You always told me how much you like my big hands and how much you like being the little spoon when we cuddle. I like that too, so look forward to it, because I see it close in our future” Johnny smiled fondly at his love.

Taeyong slid a box of tissues to Ten as he stood up. Johnny couldn’t help but notice the way Taeyong rubbed at his eyes when he turned his back to them.

“I think you’ve made good progress today, Ten. It’s great that you’re not completely opposed to the idea of touching. You have good memories associated to them, ones that I think are going to help you with your journey to recovery. Now, unless you want to talk with me some more, you two are free to go.”

“Thank you for today, Taeyong” Johnny said as he rose to his feet.

“It’s always my pleasure” Taeyong smiled as he bid them farewell by the door.

Johnny waited until Ten was out of the room before he started talking to Taeyong again.

“I saw you wipe tears away...are you okay?” Johnny was a little worried.

“Ah! Yeah I’m fine. Sorry about that, it’s just a bit easy to get caught up in your emotions when you have a job like this. I’m sorry, I should be more professional, I shouldn’t show weakness in front of Ten” Taeyong mumbled, talking lowly of himself that had Johnny doing a double take. Taeyong was usually very upbeat and chipper, radiating happiness and finding the bright side of things.

“No it’s fine, it would be weird if you didn’t have emotions” Johnny chuckled, making light of their talk.

“Are you coming?” Ten popped his head back into the door frame, eyebrows raised in an adorable questioning way.

And so, they left after scheduling their next appointment. Ten was chatting cheerfully that he was hungry and what he wanted to eat, and all Johnny could think about was how excited he was to see Ten improving. How the day when they might be back to normal was closer than he had imagined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't mind me being all soft for Johnny and Ten...
> 
> Also, what do you think will be discussed at their next meeting with Taeyong?


	6. You're the Cream to My Coffee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may or may not have been listening to Ed Sheeran's Perfect on repeat when writing the flashbacks of the past, so excuse the extra fluffiness.  
> (Also, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO TEN!!!)

The following year came at a rapid pace, so fast that Johnny and Ten’s time together seemed to pass in the blink of an eye. It was hard to believe that they had already spent over a year together. It was too fast, because Johnny was starting to realize that he could easily spend eternity with Ten and even that wouldn’t be enough.

Everyone was preparing for winter break, the blessed time when there were no classes or assignments. They could visit family or go on vacation, whatever their hearts desired. What Johnny desired, was to spend at least a weekend of that time with Ten. Yuta, WinWin, Lucas, and Jungwoo had invited the both of them to go to the beach with them. But, Johnny could do without their company for a while, only wanting to be with Ten.

Just the two of them.

When he proposed the idea to Ten, of course the younger agreed happily. He even brainstormed some ideas as to what they should do, but a lot of them proved to be out of their budget or just unrealistic given the time restraint. Such as, going out of the country.

They were cosied up in the corner of the cafe where Ten worked, silently enjoying each other’s company while Ten used his break time to get some last minute classwork done. Johnny was relatively quiet — mostly due to the fact that Ten threatened him that if he tried to distract him, then he wasn’t going to talk to him for a week. It was an empty warning, because Johnny knew it was a huge lie. They couldn’t go more than two days without seeing each other. Their puppy love was truly a force to be reckoned with.

Johnny was scrolling through his phone, trying his best not to stare at the way Ten looked in front of him, because he would likely make a scene fawning over his boyfriend. He was still wearing his brown apron, loosely hanging from his neck and the tie around his waist gone slack. He had his elbows perched on the table as he stared into his textbook, his brows furrowed in concentration and inching closer unconsciously. He was the epitome of cute. And yes — Johnny was in fact completely whipped.

Johnny quickly glanced away when Ten took a moment to look up and take a sip at his coffee. That’s when he noticed his thumb hovering over a promoted post. It was a collage of small pictures. The first, a hill covered in snow with a couple skiing down it. The second, the same couple holding hands as they rode the lift to get to the top of the hill. Third, the couple smiling fondly at each other as they warmed their chilled bodies with hot chocolate. And lastly, the two of them sat cosily next to one another, staring into the crackling fireplace of a comfortable cabin.

“...Skiing...” Johnny muttered under his breath.

“What?” Ten picked his head up from the textbook, his glasses having slid halfway down his nose.

“Lets go skiing!” Johnny suggested excitedly. “For our winter break trip.”

He extended his arm, turning his phone around to show Ten the post that had given him the brilliant idea. Ten held Johnny’s hand in place as he glanced over the pictures. Johnny grinned as he watched Ten’s expression shift from curiosity, to consideration, to glee.

“That sounds perfect” Ten hummed, giving his hand a light squeeze before letting go.

“I’m going to make the reservations right now” Johnny curled his arm towards himself, typing rapidly on his phone.

“Make sure to type your credit card info correctly” Ten teased, taking a jab at how hasty Johnny was being. But, his eagerness was cute. “I’m kidding of course, tell me how much it ends up being and I’ll pay you half.”

“It’s okay, no need” Johnny kindly declined, eyes darting across the screen as he intently filled out the details. He didn’t work during the school year, but he had more than enough money to spend after working all summer long.

“Johnny...what do you mean? I’m paying my share” Ten declared, taking his attention completely away from his studies to look anxiously at his rash boyfriend.

“Think of it as an early birthday present” Johnny peered up at him, stealing his cup of coffee to take a playful sip of it, causing Ten to scoff.

“Your birthday is before mine” Ten reminded the other, leaning back in his seat and crossing his arms as he slowly realized that Johnny might not be budging about this.

“You know I can’t wait that long to spoil you” Johnny purred, voice soft yet filled with so much fondness that it was just screaming ‘I like you, I like you so much’.

“...It can be my birthday AND Christmas present” Ten grumbled, glancing off to the side out of obvious shyness. Johnny knew that Ten hated — loved — to be spoiled, but he would never admit it.

“We’ll see about that” Johnny hummed, leaning across the table with half-lidded eyes.

Johnny pursed his lips expectantly, waiting for Ten to reciprocate his silent plea. Ten let him simmer in his pot of cheekiness, watching in amusement as Johnny squirmed out of dissatisfaction that his brazen act had not worked. Johnny pouted, shoulders slumping out of dejection, and that was when Ten decided to cave.

He leaned across the table as well, noticing the way Johnny’s eyes widened in minor shock before the sides crinkled. A telltale sign that he was smiling. Johnny sighed in content once he felt Ten’s soft lips connect with his, the taste of coffee fresh on his mouth. They each retracted only a few inches away from one another when they separated.

“I can’t wait” Ten hummed, stealing one more gentle kiss from Johnny’s very willing lips.

 

*

 

Johnny was leaning over Ten who laid in bed, trembling and crying in his sleep. He had been awoken by Ten’s screams again, and every time it happened, it scared him just as much as it had the first time. His night terrors were unpredictable as to what nights they would happen, but when they came, they hit Ten hard.

Tonight had been one of those nights, one with Johnny jolting awake and sprinting in the dark to their room. That’s why, he was leaned over the smaller, whispering soft words of comfort to his frightened love. He was beyond thankful that he had been able to find a way that helped Ten in making the terrors subside, even if it only helped a little, at least it was something. Johnny just wanted to help, no matter how small of a difference his efforts actually made. He couldn’t do nothing.

He kneeled beside the bed once Ten had calmed down, watching his expression intently from eye level to make sure that he was alright. His cheeks were tinted pink from crying with wet streaks running down his face. He wanted so painfully to wipe his cheeks, to kiss the tears dry and tell him that everything was going to be alright. But, he couldn’t, and that was still something that was so hard for him to live with.

He exhaled slowly, glancing over Ten one last time before he stood up. He swallowed a lump in his throat and walked back to the living room to sleep, knowing full well that he wasn’t going to be able to sleep any more tonight. Not when his heart ached that much.

“It happened again” Johnny said as he looked up from the dishes that he was washing in his hands.

“What happened?” Ten paused from filling a coffee filter with ground coffee.

“The night terrors” Johnny mumbled.

Ten didn’t reply, resuming his task at making a pot of coffee for the two of them. The silence was unnatural, so Johnny led on.

“Do you think that we should visit Doyoung again?” Johnny offered hesitantly. “He might have some recommendations on how to lessen them or prescribe some medicine that can help.”

“I don’t really want to talk about this” Ten shoved Johnny’s worries aside.

“But if we don’t handle it then what do you expect to happen? It’s not going to fix itself. You need help, Ten.”

“I’m already going along with your idea to go to therapy. And I don’t like bothering people with my problems. It’s so embarrassing to have people talk about what’s wrong with me, so excuse me if I don’t want to go to the hospital again where they are going to do just that.”

“Nothing is _wrong_ with you, baby” Johnny’s expression twisted into hurt from Ten speaking so lowly of himself.

“There IS something wrong! Stop acting like it doesn’t bother you!” Ten raised his voice, clacking a mug aggressively onto the countertop for his coffee that was now done. “I know that it’s hurting you to live like this...so please stop pretending that it isn’t. I need you to be more open with me, I’m not that fragile Johnny, you can be honest with me. Tell me when you’re sad, tell me when you’re angry, tell me wh—FUCK.”

The plastic handle of the coffee pot broke away from the rest of the pot, making it crash against the edge of the counter. Scalding coffee and glass scattered across the floor and the counter. Ten jumped away from the mess, but not quickly enough to come out unscathed. He held one if his hands with the other, his eyes closed tightly out of pain.

Without a second thought, Johnny crossed the room to help him, grabbing the hand that Ten was clutching to see what was wrong, only to have Ten jerk it out of his hold. Ten started crying at that, the shock of being hurt and then adding being suddenly touched was his tipping point. He wailed, crumbling in on himself as he sat on the floor and curled up against the wall. He had both hands clenched tightly into fists, clutching them tightly against his chest and his head hung low, hiding his face in his knees. Johnny didn’t know that his heart could sink any further than it already had, but it did. It was truly heartbreaking, the way Ten was curled in on himself, like he was afraid somebody would hurt him, body shaking as he cried.

Johnny didn’t have time to wait for Ten to recover and take matters into his own hands. So, he sprung up and filled a bowl full of cold water.

“Ten, I need you to put your hand in this okay? It will feel good” he urged soothingly. But, Ten wasn’t budging. “Tennie? Put your hand in the cold water or else the burn will be worse.” Ten still wouldn’t respond to him. “TEN LISTEN TO ME!”

Ten jerked his head up, looking frightened and stunned from being yelled at. He didn’t mean for it to come out so harshly, but he was worried sick and was more than frantic that Ten was hurt. If he didn’t let him do a little bit of first aid then the burn could end up being much worse than it needed to be. Ten glanced down at the bowl of water on the floor that Johnny was holding, eventually setting his shaky, pink hand into the water. Johnny’s heart settled a bit when Ten did as he said, that is until he saw red starting to merge with the water.

“Turn your hand over, honey. Let me see your palm” Johnny coaxed the younger, gazing into his eyes — which were red and glossy — briefly before returning his attention to the wounded hand.

There was a little over an inch long cut on his palm. He couldn’t tell if it was deep and needed stitches, because Ten definitely wasn’t going to let him inspect it that in depth.

“We should go to the doctor and get it looked at” Johnny requested as he rose to his feet.

“No” Ten muttered.

“What?”

“I said, no” Ten repeated

“What has gotten into you? I’m just worried about you...now will you please let me take you to the hospital to have it looked at?” Johnny said as he crouched back down to Ten’s level.

“We can’t keep going to the doctor, we don’t have the money” Ten scolded.

“Will you please stop worrying about the money, Tennie? I have it covered, so let me take care of you”

“My paid leave will only cover so much, Johnny. I’m just being realistic. We can’t keep going to the hospital. Especially over a little thing like this.”

“Your well-being is never a ‘little thing’ in my book” Johnny’s brows pinched in hurt. “Damn it Ten, you’re the most important person in the world to me. Do you know how much it hurts me to see you in pain? So please, let me baby you and take you to see a doctor.”

Ten didn’t say anything, shifting his eyes away from Johnny’s that were peering into his soul. Johnny continued after watching the water turn darker from more blood seeping into it.

“You just told me to be honest with you so I will. It makes me immensely sad to see you like this. I don’t want you to be in pain, because when you hurt, I hurt.”

That finally got Ten to look at him, and Johnny didn’t know if that made him fall in love with Ten a little more or if it shattered his heart into pieces — the fact that Ten was more concerned about Johnny being hurt rather than himself.

“So please...come to the hospital with me” Johnny stressed once more.

“...alright.”

 

*

 

Johnny knew that this trip was going to magical, because Ten had only been in his car for a total of five minutes and they were both already singing — yelling — along cheerfully to Instant Crush by Daft Punk. The cunning side eye that Ten had given him when the song started playing spoke a thousand unspoken words. Johnny sputtered that it wasn’t on purpose and that he just really likes the song, but his worries were cast aside when Ten broke into the full lyrics. He tapped his fingers to the beat against the steering wheel, both of their heads bobbing along to the song as they made their way down the road.

They reached their destination in just a few hours, snowy mountains and people so far away that they looked like ants skiing down the slopes greeted them as they pulled up to the resort. Johnny looked on in fondness at the way Ten’s eyes lit up at the sight, clearly itching to get a move on.

They checked in, dropping their belongings off at their private cabin before heading back to the main building to rent their ski equipment. Ten raced ahead of Johnny on their way to collect the equipment, his puffy coat making swishing noises and his feet leaving tracks in the snow in their wake. Johnny was content in watching Ten from behind, grinning in amusement from the excitement that he was radiating. That is, until Ten turned around to him, waving his arm for him to hurry up, a broad smile beaming from his face. That’s when Johnny felt himself fall just a little harder for him.

It was a well thought out trip in theory, but once they were both suited up with skis attached firmly to their shoes, the realization that neither of them knew how to ski suddenly hit. Ten offered that they go down the smallest hill, where toddlers were holding their parents’ hands while tackling the slight decline. Johnny assured Ten that he could handle a hill that was at least a little bigger, so Ten stayed behind and watched in anticipation for Johnny to make a fool of himself. And make a fool of himself he did. He accidentally crossed his skis too far when trying to slow down while going down the hill, leading to tripping himself help. He rolled down the majority of the hill, only to be met with Ten holding his stomach from laughing so hard at the bottom of the hill.

Ten helped him up after wiping his tears away, patting off the snow that had caked itself onto the elder’s body. Johnny reluctantly mumbled that maybe they should go down the smaller hill, tucking his tail between his legs as Ten led him over with his hand in his.

The stares from children that were better than him were embarrassing, but only for a short while, because then his attention would be caught by something cute that Ten was doing and that was more than enough to make him forget his embarrassment. He could watch Ten for hours and nothing else around him would get through to him, too focused to care about anything else.

Several hours later, with wet mittens and sore bodies in tow, they trudged through the snow to return the equipment. Johnny was determined on going down one of the larger slopes before their trip ended, making Ten snicker that he’ll need a lot more practice before he successfully tried to go down a bigger hill again without rolling down instead of skiing down. Johnny pouted from Ten’s true but playful words, leading the younger to cup his cheeks and guide his face down to kiss him. Johnny’s entire body warmed at that.

They ate dinner in the main building, after which they cuddled next to each other on one of the couches in the lobby. They sipped experimentally at their mugs of coffee, gazing into the low burning fire of the stone fireplace. Johnny ran his fingers up the nape of Ten’s neck when the smaller rested his head on his shoulder, tugging gently enough at the short hairs to feel good.

They moseyed hand in hand back to their cabin, enjoying the silence of the nature around them. Johnny squeezed the both of their hands into his jacket pocket, rubbing the smaller’s hand soothingly with his thumb when he looked up at him sheepishly. Ten’s cheeks were already a little rosy from the cold, but Johnny could see the way they turned a shade darker. It seemed like time had stopped for them, what with the still air around them, their fingers entangled, and their eyes sparkling for the other.

“It’s snowing!” Ten ripped his eyes away from Johnny’s to look above them.

It had indeed started to snow, small white flakes falling down to land in Ten’s soft hair — the white and black a bold contrast from one another. Johnny brushed them away gently, secretly just wanting to touch Ten’s fluffy hair.

“It’s so pretty. I’ve never seen it snow out in the mountains like this in person, only the city” Ten said in awe.

“You’re prettier” Johnny hummed, ruffling Ten’s hair as he gazed down at him fondly.

Ten smiled, standing up on his tiptoes to place a chaste kiss to Johnny’s lips, which led into two, then three, then four. He wrapped his arms around Johnny’s waist, strategically sliding them under Johnny’s jacket to get them even warmer. He rested his head against Johnny’s shoulder, slumping into his hold. Johnny held onto him, one arm curling around his waist while a hand cupped the back of his head.

Johnny started swaying around slowly and began softly humming the tune of Ed Sheeran’s Thinking Out Loud. It took him several seconds of breathy hums and small turns as they made circles with their swaying before he built up the courage to sing the lyrics. Ten closed his eyes, exhaling a small puff of air out of content as he melted in Johnny’s arms. The cold wasn’t even a bother anymore, both of them satisfyingly warm holding each other.

Ten interrupted Johnny’s serenading when there was a long pause before going into his next line. He poked fun at his choice of song, but thoroughly enjoyed it nonetheless.

“Love?” Ten teased at the mention of the word in the lyrics. “Is this your way of telling me you love me, Johnny Seo?”

“Perhaps” Johnny grinned, Ten couldn’t see it because his head was still tucked against his neck, but he could just hear it in his voice.

Ten sighed as he hugged Johnny a little tighter, the warm air gliding across Johnny’s neck. This was everything. This was perfect.

Johnny moved the arm that he had wrapped around Ten’s waist and brought it up to his face. He cupped Ten’s cheek and guided his head slightly back so that he could look at him. Ten’s eyes were glistening under the moonlight, the dark irises reflecting the white of the moon. The tints of pink blooming across his cheeks from the cold. And the small clouds of fog that evaporated between them every time Ten breathed out. Johnny leaned down, pressing his lips softly against Ten’s, but with meaning behind them, longer than their pecks from before. They disconnected, Johnny running his other hand through Ten’s hair comfortingly.

“I love you, Ten.”

It took a few seconds for Ten to register what Johnny had said, too smitten by the moment. But, Johnny could tell when it clicked, because Ten’s eyes changed from crescent moons due to his smiling, to wide and completely round.

“Wait...you’re serious, aren’t you?” he questioned, eyebrows raising in shock and bewilderment.

“I’m serious” Johnny hummed.

Ten continued gawking at him, staring analytically as he looked for any hint of joking from the elder. But, there was none.

“I know this was sudden, but I couldn’t wait any longer to tell you. I understand if you don’t quite know your feelings yet, just know that I’ll be here waiting for you. Please forgive me if this wasn’t quite the way that you expected to be confessed to. I’m not the best at being romantic, I’m really bad at it hones—”

Ten shut up Johnny’s nervous rambling by slotting his lips against his. Johnny was stunned momentarily, but soon found himself pliant against Ten’s lips. They were warm, soft, and so _so_ perfect.

“I love you too” Ten huffed for air when they broke apart.

The way that Johnny’s heart swelled and combusted at those four words was something that he could never put into words. But, the closest to describing how he felt would be that his body was tingling all over and he felt like he was floating. It was truly a new and odd sensation, but it felt so inexplicably right.

He chased Ten’s lips, words escaping his mouth and resorting to the kisses doing the talking for him. It was messy and uncoordinated, both parties trying desperately to show how they felt. A whine that emitted from Ten’s throat when Johnny slid his tongue into his mouth set something off in Johnny, telling him that he absolutely needed to hear more of it.

They stumbled into their cabin — luckily not having been too far from it — and collapsed onto the bed. Johnny kissed the expanse of Ten’s neck as his shaky hands rid Ten of his clothes, fumbling with the zipper of his jacket but getting it eventually after growling out of frustration. Ten was doing the same, pushing Johnny’s coat off of his shoulders and pulling it down his arms.

When their jackets were gone and there was a little less bulkiness between them, Johnny laid down on top of Ten, tentatively rolling his hips down onto the younger’s. The moan that Ten let out was hands down the most beautiful and intoxicating sound that he had ever heard, so of course he did it again. His head was going fuzzy, all he could think was _TenTenTenTenTen_. He was getting drunk off of Ten’s love.

Ten pulled the hem of Johnny’s shirt up, a quiet whine reverberating in his throat. Johnny got the message, letting Ten take off his shirt and then doing the same to him. He took a moment just to take the image of Ten in, admiring the breathtaking display before him. Ten’s black hair sprawled across the white sheets, his face, ears, neck, and chest tinted a deep red, his lips parted to catch his breath and glistening from their kissing, and his torso rising and falling as he breathed deeply, his ribs showing slightly whenever he inhaled.

“So beautiful” Johnny mumbled, his lips connecting to Ten’s neck.

He traveled lower, trailing kisses behind him as his head progressed down his torso. Ten’s skin — though chilled not long ago outside — felt fevered now under his touch, under his lips. Johnny pressed delicate kisses to the area around the smaller’s belly button, his hands tickling at Ten’s sides. His hands slid down to the button of Ten’s pants, trying to undo it, but it proved harder than he expected, no thanks to his nerves. Ten brought down both of of his hands to hold Johnny’s face and make him look at him.

“Have you ever done this before?” he uttered breathlessly.

Johnny turned his head to kiss at the palm of one of Ten’s hands, placing his own hand atop it and curling his fingers to intertwine with Ten’s.

“Only with girls. I’ve never been with a man” he was honest, pressing their connected hands into the mattress as he leaned down to kiss at Ten’s neck again.

“Me either...I’ve never been with anyone” Ten mumbled.

“What?” Johnny parted his lips from Ten’s neck, freezing to look him straight in the eye.

“I’ve never had sex before” Ten squirmed under Johnny’s gaze.

Johnny was stunned momentarily, staring deeply into Ten’s lidded eyes.

“Were you going to tell me?” Johnny’s brows pinched in concern.

“I just did” Ten grinned, carding his fingers through Johnny’s bangs, brushing them out of his face.

“No, but I mean...” Johnny stuttered, trying to gather his words. “You should have told me sooner, I even shoved you onto the bed.”

“That could hardly count as a shove” Ten chuckled. “Besides, it’s not that important.”

“It’s important to me” Johnny insisted. “I don’t want to pressure you into anything.”

“You’re not pressuring me, I want to do this” Ten assured him.

Johnny bit his bottom lip as he thought deeply, a habit of his that Ten had grown to realize that he found very cute.

“This is extremely cheesy, but I don’t think I’m emotionally prepared to be your first right now. I want to be, god, I want to be...but I’ve just been kind of thrown off guard” Johnny said slowly as he processed his thoughts. “I think that we should wait. I want it to be more special than this.”

“Alright” Ten placed a chaste kiss to his lips. “I can wait...we have all the time in the world.”

“I’m sorry” Johnny smiled lightly, nuzzling his face into the crook of Ten’s shoulder and neck.

“It’s okay” Ten patted his hair soothingly.

“Can we still cuddle though” Johnny muttered into Ten’s skin, words muffled.

“I would be mad if we didn’t” Ten hummed.

Johnny reluctantly rolled off of Ten, quickly scooping him up in his arms because the lack of contact was unbearable. Their bare skin on skin was very intimate, but very welcome. Johnny had never been this close with Ten before, though he was quick to realize that he was more than willing to lay like this forever.

Ten raised an experimental hand to cup Johnny’s face, his thumb brushing across the elder’s lips. He leaned in once more, kissing him tenderly before retreating to look Johnny in the eye.

“I love you” Ten whispered.

“I love you too.”

 

*

 

Johnny waited in the lobby of the hospital while Ten was getting his hand treated. Mostly due to Doyoung griping at him that he was in his way. It was hard for Johnny not to be overbearing, having this instinctive feeling that he needed to make sure that Ten was alright at all times. He was in the middle of rubbing harshly at his eyes — wiping the fatigue away of not having gotten much sleep lately — when Doyoung approached him.

“You have more bags than I do, and I’m lucky if I get over 4 hours of sleep at night” Doyoung joked with him, but Johnny didn’t quite have the energy to return the playful mood.

“Ten’s night terrors have been keeping me up at night. We’ve been going to Taeyong like you recommended, but his night terrors haven’t gotten any better” Johnny mumbled with no energy, thoroughly drained from the lack of sleep and his near heart attack this morning with the coffee pot.

“The therapy isn’t going to help the night terrors directly. Ten has to come to terms with the idea of touching way before you can expect his night terrors to get better. You’ve only been to a few meetings. I’m sorry to say, but it’s going to take a lot longer if you want results. This isn’t something that can be rushed” Doyoung was stern.

Johnny simply nodded his head, taking in Doyoung’s words.

“There is...something that might help Ten with the night terrors” Doyoung continued warily.

Johnny’s head shot up at that.

“What? What is it?” he probed.

“Antidepressants...I personally think that Ten should take them anyway...just in case.”

“Ten isn’t depressed” Johnny replied, a little offended.

“That’s what you think” Doyoung shot Johnny’s words down. “I only got to know Ten from the couple weeks that he spent in the hospital while you were recovering, but in that time I could tell that he is the type of person who would rather suffer by himself instead of bringing other people down with him. He doesn’t like to be a burden. So, how do you know that Ten isn’t depressed? He might be hiding it and bearing the weight of it by himself so that he doesn’t worry you.”

Johnny opened his mouth to retaliate, but instead he took a second to think over Doyoung’s words. He _knew_ Ten, he had been with him for years. And yeah...that sounded like Ten. Always so selfless, too occupied in trying to care for and make others happy that he ends up running himself into the ground.

“...maybe you’re right” Johnny caved.

“Would you like me to prescribe Ten some antidepressants?” Doyoung questioned slowly.

“Yeah...if they’ll make Ten at least a little happier” Johnny couldn’t bear the thought of Ten keeping all of his pain tucked away.

“...alright...” Doyoung murmured, giving a light squeeze to Johnny’s shoulder before stepping away.

In all of his time knowing Ten, Johnny had never expected for him to become depressed. He sat there, his head rolling back and he closed his eyes, thinking about Ten. How he used to smile so brightly at him, how he would call his name with so much adoration, and how even his smallest touches had so much love behind them. He wondered if any of that had at one point been hiding any pain that he felt.

His eyes burned behind his eyelids as a few stray tears rolled down the sides of his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you @ Johnny for recommending Instant Crush by Daft Punk on that Teen Vogue video about the playlists to their lives lol.
> 
>    
>  [Twitter](https://twitter.com/SoftServeTY)  
> [Curious Cat](https://curiouscat.me/SoftServeTY)


	7. Pillow Talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry that it took SO long for this chapter to finally be posted. I'll be honest, it's hard for me to write this story because it does take a lot out of me emotionally. I also got lost along the way as to how I wanted the story to progress, and no matter how many options I was writing up, I didn't like the way they were playing out. This chapter has finally made it to the spotlight though after much writing, deleting, and rewriting!
> 
> I hope you enjoy the chapter! And again, sorry for the long wait.

“How is your hand, Ten?” Taeyong asked softly, setting down a cup of coffee on the table in front of the younger.

“It’s not bad really, just annoying now and then more than anything” Ten replied casually. It was a humble response, because Johnny knew that Ten was still taking pills for the pain, but he let Ten answer how he wanted.

“I’m glad to hear it” a relieved smile creeped onto his face. “Well...I’m sure you would like to get on with what we’re going to do today.”

He paused to look back and forth between both Johnny and Ten before continuing.

“We’re going to see if Ten can initiate any touching.”

“What?” Ten blurted. “I...don’t think that I’m ready for that yet.”

“That’s what everyone thinks. But, you see Ten, you’re never going to be ready. This is something that you’re going to have to fight for, it’s not going to come back to you out of the blue one day. And that fighting means that you’re going to have to push yourself out of your comfort zone, with Johnny and I’s help of course.”

“...Alright...” Ten mumbled, his head hung low. He took a few steady, shallow breaths before raising his head to look Johnny in the eye.

He hesitated, simply sitting still in front of him. Johnny could see the uncertainty in his gaze, as it fell from his own eyes and dwindled.

“It’s going to be alright, Tennie” Johnny assured the younger calmly.

Ten looked back up at him again, a trace of a grin emerging on his lips shortly followed by a nod of the head.

“Okay, all I want you to do, Ten, is just to touch Johnny on his arm. Even just a poke is fine.”

Ten stared at Taeyong for a while, then to Johnny’s arm, then glanced up into Johnny’s eyes. Johnny tried not to look like he was expecting something, because he didn’t want to pressure Ten. But, admittedly the excitement and nervousness of the thought of Ten voluntarily touching him again had his heart fluttering rapidly. There was also concern though, because despite Taeyong saying that Ten needed to push himself out of his comfort zone, what if this had the opposite effect on Ten? What if it sent him spiraling backwards — further grounding his decision that he did not want to touch?

Ten opened and closed his mouth like he wanted to say something, but nothing ever came out. He lifted an unsteady hand, hovering in the air, seemingly unknowing in what to do.

“Can...you not look at me?” Ten eventually mumbled to Johnny.

Johnny was confused for a brief second, but soon he nodded his head and hummed in affirmation. Ten needed to do this at his own pace, he didn’t need to have Johnny urging him on unconsciously with his expecting gaze.

Johnny didn’t feel anything for a long time, or maybe it just felt like a long time to him. His hairs were practically standing on end, ready and waiting for any kind of touch from Ten. And then it happened.

It wasn’t direct, in fact it was only the slightest tug at the sleeve of his t-shirt before he felt the contact pull away.

“That wasn’t bad, was it? You can try again if you feel up to it” Taeyong spoke softly, a pleased lilt in his tone that showed he was proud of Ten.

Johnny didn’t hear anything from his boyfriend, he just waited again to see if Ten would follow through or not. And wow was the anticipation painful, because now that he had gotten just a taste for Ten’s willing touch again — although not even on his direct skin — he was already craving it like mad. It was taking all of his will not to look at the other, because for some reason, not knowing if or when Ten would touch him again was scary.

But then, there it was again. It was longer this time, and it felt like Ten was rubbing the material of Johnny’s sleeve between his fingers. Out of nowhere, the back of Ten’s knuckle grazed Johnny’s arm before he jerked his hand away. It was probably on accident, but the single second that the direct touch had occurred had Johnny’s eyes immediately filling with both happy and pained tears. Happy because this was the first time that Ten had willingly touched him, and pained because he was being selfish and didn’t want it to stop.

Taeyong quickly chimed in when he saw Ten flinch away after accidentally touching Johnny’s skin. “Good! You did great, Ten!”

“No I...I pulled away” Ten fumbled over his words, slightly shaken from the act.

“No no no, you did perfectly fine” Taeyong encouraged him. “I need you to know that every little step that you make is progress, no matter how small. You don’t have to make big strides to get there, like I said before, we’ll go at your pace, and if you’re not ready to touch Johnny’s skin directly then that’s fine. We’ll get there another day” Taeyong hummed as he leaned forward with his elbows resting on his knees. “Now, we can either continue from here, or you can go home for the day. I won’t lie, I want you to continue practicing touching Johnny, but you have the option to do that on your own time or in this closed environment if you still want some more guiding today, Ten.”

“I...want to go home” Ten eventually said with a breathy chuckle at the end. It was understandable, he probably needed time to think about what just happened, to come to terms with the whole thing.

Ten went ahead and left Taeyong’s office, but Johnny stayed behind for a second.

“Can I ask you something, Taeyong?” he muttered, words a bit hushed as he peered tentatively at the door.

“Sure” Taeyong glanced back and forth between him and the door out of curiosity, his voice equally as quiet — as if he was playfully mocking Johnny.

“I’m worried that Ten won’t want to practice outside of this place...how am I supposed to encourage him without pressuring him?”

Taeyong must have been able to see the genuine sincerity and concern on Johnny’s expression, and his lips twisted into a content smile.

“It might sound tricky...scary even, but it’s not. It’s something that you’ve been doing ever since you met him. All you need to do is show him how much you love him, how you have his back. Reassure him that everything will be alright...that’s the best treatment that you can give him; love.”

“That...sounds like something a person who is in love would say” Johnny laughed lightly. It sounded like something he would have said before all of this happened, when he still had his head screwed on straight and he wasn’t in a constant state of panic for Ten’s well-being. “Are you in love, Taeyong?”

Taeyong’s eyes instantly widened and Johnny immediately regretted asking, because that definitely wasn’t an appropriate thing to ask your  psychiatrist. His heart heaved a sigh of relief though when he realized that Taeyong was only momentarily stunned before a shy smile crept onto his face.

“Yeah...” he hummed, and Johnny could honestly believe him in his expression alone. That dopey grin, the way his eyes couldn’t stay in more than one place, and the small blush that had settled on the apples of his cheeks and the outline of his ears — yeah, Johnny knows the feeling all too well.

“Well uh...congratulations?” Johnny said a bit embarrassingly, not knowing exactly how to follow up with this knew knowledge.

Taeyong made a small noise of acknowledgment, “We’re going on six years now” Taeyong mumbled as he twiddled with his thumbs, it was cute. It made Johnny think about how long he and Ten had been together, and wow — had it really been four years already? “We should all get together some time for lunch. You, Ten, my boyfriend and I.”

“That would be great!” Johnny beamed.

“Yeah, we’ll have to make a date sometime” Taeyong returned his grin fondly.

“Johnnyyyyy...” he heard Ten whine from the reception office.

Johnny scurried off with a quick goodbye and thank you before Taeyong heard him apologize to the younger for keeping him waiting, making Taeyong huff a small laugh.

 

*

 

“You...want me to meet your parents?” Ten paused, looking up from reading one of his many textbooks. He was currently laying on his stomach on the living room floor at Johnny’s dorm with his notes and books sprawled out, and his glasses having slid a considerable amount down the bridge of his nose.

“Of course!” Johnny cooed excitedly, “We’ve been together for a little over a year now, and I always talk to them about you.”

“All good things I hope” Ten remarked playfully as he turned his head back down to his studies.

“Mostly...you know, aside from your weird fear of fruits” Johnny teased, making Ten’s head shoot up to scoff at him. “My mom really likes making strawberry and banana smoothies too...what is she going to make for us now?” Johnny continued with an exaggerated sigh, pinching between his eyes in ‘deep’ thought.

“You’re the one who has poor taste” Ten grumbled a pitiful comeback, rolling onto his back to stretch.

“Oh?” Johnny walked over from his position in the kitchen, laying down on his stomach in front of Ten. “But I love  _ you _ , so I can’t have poor taste” he reasoned, slipping Ten’s glasses off before pressing a delicate kiss between his eyes.

“...Maybe it’s not all that bad...” Ten smiled fondly, bringing his hands up to cup Johnny’s face. He guided him down to his, pleased when Johnny softly connected their lips — very Spiderman-esque but without the rain.

Ten tried to restrain the whine in his throat when Johnny pulled away saying, “Your food is ready. Come on, take a short break.”

It was in these kind of moments when Ten would remember how inexplicably in love he was.

It was in the middle of spring break when Johnny had finally taken Ten home to meet his family. Johnny had warned Ten that it would be cold, but even with the warnings, Ten had severely underestimated the Chicago weather — which was still practically winter. They had both shown up on the doorstep of Johnny’s house nearly half froze, but Johnny’s mother was quick to open the door and pull them inside.

She showered Johnny with affection, making him bend down to kiss his face and embrace him lovingly — the kind of love that is only seen between a mother and their child. Ten was fully expecting Johnny to pull away from her smothering, face tinged pink and tone light with a series of whines. But, Johnny only smiled even brighter the more doting his mother was with him — truly a mama’s boy.

It wasn’t long before her attention turned to Ten, her face lighting up when her eyes landed on him. Johnny’s father walked in and he greeted Johnny with a sturdy hug, then another for Ten. It was casual yet heavy loaded, like he really was being welcomed into the family.

Johnny’s mother was quick to notice the two boy’s red noses and the lingering chill that clung onto them, rushing off to the kitchen to whip up something delicious to warm their bodies. Then, they all talked in the living room over a kettle of tea. The chit chat was light, comfortable, exactly what Ten was wanting in a first meeting like this.

To his relief, Johnny’s parents were fun, laid back, and terribly sweet. But, the more he thought about it, really what was he expecting? Of course they were amazing, they had raised Johnny after all. He loved Johnny, and he was sure that he would have no problem with loving his family as well.

It didn’t take long for the sun to set since they had arrived late into the evening anyway. After they had a home cooked meal, Johnny could tell by the way that Ten’s eyelids grew heavy that he was ready to go to sleep from the long day of traveling. They excused themselves after dinner, noting that they’ll meet again in the morning and maybe do something all together before padding off to Johnny’s room.

“Oh...” both men said when Johnny switched on the lights to his room.

There sat a small, twin sized bed, one that Johnny remembered feeling cramped when only he slept in it, let alone share it with another person.

“...I don’t know why I didn’t think about this” Johnny eventually mumbled, laughing nervously as he scratched at the back of his head.

“Are you sure about that?” Ten side eyed him, narrowing his eyes in a way that made Johnny believe he was analyzing his expression. But, it wasn’t menacing nearly enough for Ten’s glare to be serious, he was only teasing.

“Really...” Johnny replied, sounding a little sorry. “If you want, I can sleep on the couch in the living room.”

“It’ll be fine. I’m okay with sleeping in the same bed if you are” Ten was very good at sounding like the more mature one out of the two of them. “We’ve done it before after all...” he muttered sheepishly.

“The problem isn’t that there’s only one bed, it’s about how small it is” Johnny clarified annoyingly.

“Well, I’m small” Ten informed.

“And I’m big” Johnny reasoned.

Ten rolled his eyes, squeezing past Johnny to walk further into the room. He rummaged through his luggage until he found his night clothes to sleep in. He tossed them onto the bed, just now noticing what sat atop it.

“Oh my God, do you have a  _ thing _ for plushies?” Ten gaped at him, lips curving into a shit eating grin.

The side of his bed that was pressed against the wall was aligned with a row of stuffed animals, many of which he hadn’t seen in years even when he was living at home. Given the neatness of their formation, his mother must have laid them out for him like that.

“What’s wrong with liking cute things?” Johnny muttered, trying his best to conceal the embarrassment.

“Nothing” Ten cocked his head as he slipped his shirt off to change into the other one, seeming to drop the topic.

Johnny turned his attention to his own bag, sifting through it to unpack his belongings.

“Except for the fact that the only cute thing you’re allowed to like is me” he cooed.

This caught Johnny’s attention, making him turn his head to scoff at him and give a small smile. But, what he hadn’t expected was for Ten’s near naked figure to make such an impact on him. He always did his best to give him privacy whenever moments like this arose, didn’t want to make Ten uncomfortable for some reason. They hadn’t really talked about the act of being intimate since their trip to the ski resort, but with Ten standing in his childhood bedroom of all places — his lithe, toned body on full display with only being in his underwear — made it extremely hard for Johnny to not think about such acts.

He was lucky that Ten was quick to put on his sleeping clothes, sliding under the covers of Johnny’s bed and cozying up to the far side against the wall. He glanced over the array of stuffed animals, picking one up and turning around so that he was facing Johnny.

“Does this guy have a name?” Ten asked softly.

“Honey” Johnny muttered sheepishly.

It was a small brown bear, realistic to the true animal, not like common stuffed teddy bears that you would see sitting up straight on their butts.

“It was one of the first stuffed animals that my mom bought for me when I was young...because she said that it looked like me” Johnny scratched the back of his head, “I don’t see the resemblance.”

Ten mused over the statement for a while, observing Honey’s delicate features.

“I see it” he affirmed, causing Johnny to look back at him with a bit of a confused expression that told Ten that he needed to elaborate. “You have the same eyes...light brown — almost golden — with a little bit of red...like honey” Ten smiled.

Johnny tried not to show how much that had affected him, turning back around to finish unpacking his things and to pull out his night clothes as well.

“And don’t get me started on your obsession for sweet things, just like a bear being drawn to a beehive.”

“What do you mean? I don’t really like sweet things that much” Johnny tilted his head in genuine confusion.

“Me” Ten replied simply, pulling Honey into a warm embrace.

Johnny willed the squeeze in his heart to cease, completely and utterly blindsided by Ten’s ability to make him fall even deeper in love with him. He made a hum of content to the other as he pulled his shirt over his head. Ten watched with lidded eyes, soaking in the view of Johnny’s half naked side profile. He always knew that Johnny had a nice body, but he rarely got to actually see it. He clutched Honey closer to him, curling him into his chest as he stared at Johnny’s body until he was completely covered again.

“...Are you sure you’re okay with sleeping together?” Johnny asked once he was finally ready to turn in for the night.

“Get your ass in this bed, Suh” Ten griped, tired of hearing Johnny’s hesitation.

Johnny tried not to hate himself too much with how quickly he bit his tongue and slid under the covers, completely whipped for Ten. He basically had to be flush against Ten so that he wouldn’t hang over the edge of the bed. Johnny cozied up next to him, wrapping his arms around the younger’s waist to further ground himself, and maybe to snuggle, but he wouldn’t admit to that.

Ten nuzzled his face into Johnny’s neck, exhaling comfortably through his nose. The air tickled Johnny’s skin, making him seek a little bit of vengeance. He snaked his hand under Ten’s shirt, trailing it up his back until it sat against the flat of his back. Ten didn’t entirely know what kind of game they were playing here, but he wasn’t about to lose.

He hooked one of his legs over Johnny’s hip and pulled him closer to him, wanting to be as close as possible, because Johnny’s room was for some reason a little more chilled than the rest of the house. He pressed his lips lightly against Johnny’s neck, then nipped him softly when Johnny let out a rumbly laugh from the act. But, then he was soon soothing the area with warm kisses again, only to sedate the whine in Johnny’s throat when he was a little rougher with him.

Johnny was fed up with Ten’s teasing, so he dipped low, slotting his lips against the other. Ten didn’t seem shocked from the action at all, almost like he was waiting for it. He slid one of his hands from Honey to scoop the back of Johnny’s head into his palm, curling his fingers into the silky strands. They kissed languidly — lips soft, warm, and wet against each other.

Johnny was on cloud nine, his body tingling with want. Ten’s very presence was capturing all of Johnny’s senses — his smell because the light scent of his shampoo seemed so much more noticeable when they were close like this, his sight because Ten’s cheeks becoming increasingly red was certainly a spectacle, his hearing as Ten’s small whimpers grew, his taste by the way Ten was fresh on his tongue, and his touch when his warm body mingled with Ten’s.

Johnny was content with letting this moment play out for eternity, but then a glint caught his eye. He looked past Ten and saw one of his stuffed animals facing them, seemingly gazing upon their display. It was his favorite, a small plushie of Tony the Tiger that he had had for as long as he could remember. There was something slightly off putting about having his childhood treasure be exposed to such adult acts. So, he tried to sneakily remove his hand from Ten’s back.

“What are you doing?” Ten whined from the loss of contact.

“Nothing” Johnny fibbed a little, turning Tony around so that he was facing the wall.

When his hand found its place back between Ten’s shoulder blades, Ten took Johnny by surprise. He rolled his hips into the front of Johnny’s, making a low, guttural moan emerge. As if that hadn’t been enough, the very noise that Ten made just by hearing Johnny was a turn on in itself. Pleased with the response he had gotten, Ten did it again, but this time Johnny came to a realization.

“I’m not going to do anything when I’m in the same building as my parents” he was stern, but there was still a chuckle at the end of the statement to ease any tension.

Ten stopped his advances at that, but he continued to play with the locks of Johnny’s hair, twirling them between his fingers.

“I figured” Ten admitted, but he didn’t sound too let down, like he really had expected as much.

The conversation had pretty much ended there, but they continued to kiss each other. A little more tender this time, less steamy, because they were both just happy with chaste pecks.

“I’m ready whenever you are...just so you know” Ten mumbled suddenly, his words loaded.

To say that Johnny was thrown off guard was an understatement. He had known that Ten was ready and willing since their night at the cabin, but the idea of actually having sex with Ten still made his heart seize up before pounding in his chest. God, he wasn’t even a virgin, but for some reason Ten was making him feel like he was going through so many firsts again.

He couldn’t find any words to respond, so he settled for a simple nod followed by a soft kiss on the nose. The way that Ten smiled at that and his eyes sparkled with love was enough to make any person yield, so Johnny was a goner for sure. Ten reeled is arms back in from Johnny’s hair, clutching at Honey who was still pressed between both of their chests. He turned the stuffed animal around to him once more, looking at its face.

“Can I call you Honey from now on?” he hummed, voice small as a hint of fatigue clung to it.

“Whatever will make you happy, Tennie” Johnny’s voice was equally quiet, his eyelids drooping low throughout the reply.

He felt Ten nuzzle his way back in the groove of his neck, tucking his head under his chin perfectly, like it belonged there. The last thing that Johnny could remember that night was once again the feeling of air gliding across his neck, and Ten’s soft skin under his fingertips as he made small circles between his shoulder blades.

 

*

 

“Honey?” Ten called from the living room, “Can you please get me something to drink...I forgot to while I was in there” he laughed softly at the end of the request, seemingly apologetic.

“Sure thing” Johnny replied, not bothered at all.

He got out a glass from the cupboard, placing it on the counter as he poured the drink. His eyes wandered, landing on a small, white paper bag that laid atop the counter. He exhaled slowly, capping the drink before putting it back in the refrigerator. He grabbed the bag in one hand and the glass in the other before walking into the living room where Ten was.

He sat down on the couch beside Ten, placing the glass on the coffee table in front of them before he rummaged through the bag. He pulled out a small orange vile with a white lid — Ten’s antidepressant prescription. He read the instructions noted before shaking out the recommended dosage and placing the pills also in front of Ten.

Ten’s eyes didn’t leave the pills after he had put them there, “Those are going to take some getting used to” he joked, but there was still a looming edge of seriousness.

He picked up the pills delicately, rubbing them between his fingers as he eyed them down before tossing his head back and shoving them into his mouth. Johnny watched as he chased them with his drink and as his Adam's apple bobbed up and down when he swallowed.

“Doyoung said that it’s best to take them in the morning, this is just an exception for tonight since we just got them” Ten nodded his head to show that he heard him. “And don’t forget to take them, Doyoung said that it will take at least a week for them to make any sort of difference.”

“I’m sure that even if I forget, you won’t” Ten smiled softly, both knowing fully well of Johnny’s caring capabilities.

They had spent the evening together making a home-cooked dinner, a nice way to spend time with each other after having ordered to-go for quite some time. Johnny rarely found the energy to go shopping anymore, constantly being on edge and focusing on Ten’s needs instead of his own — like the lack of sleep that he had been getting from calming Ten in the middle of the night.

They watched TV in relative silence as they ate their dinner. At some point though, Ten had placed his mostly finished plate on the coffee table before turning on his side to look at Johnny. He let his head drape sideways, resting against the back of the couch.

“Can you...can we...” he seemed to be struggling with his words, glancing timidly from side to side after making eye contact with Johnny now and then.

Johnny turned on his side as well, giving Ten his full attention. “What is it love?” he knew that whenever he called Ten that, it gave him confidence. Assuring him that whatever he was trying to say wasn’t dumb.

“...Can we sleep in the same bed again tonight?”

Johnny blinked sporadically, thrown off by the other’s request. He wasn’t against the idea — God no — but...

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea...what if we accidentally touch in the middle of the night? I don’t want to hurt you” Johnny started rambling.

“You can’t hurt me, Johnny” Ten’s tone was so soft, but the sentence was unbearably loaded and sincere. The amount of trust and love that Ten had for him was nearly crippling, enough to make his jaw slack as it hung agape from being speechless.

After staring stunned at Ten for a while, he eventually regained enough control over his mouth to mumble a faint “okay.”

It was weird, it was their house, yet after they both decided that they wanted to go to bed, following Ten back to  _ their _ bedroom seemed so foreign now. He went ahead and climbed into the bed while Ten did a few last things around the room. He watched as Ten slipped out of his long pants and into some cooler shorts, noticing once again the contrast of his black stitches against his skin.

“Your leg is looking better. It will probably be time to have the stitches taken out soon” he muttered sleepily as he gazed at Ten, his head already sunken into his pillow. He had just gotten here and he already felt welcomed by his bed again, something about it felt so right and comforting — like home.

“Yeah, it doesn’t hurt at all anymore. I think it’s completely scarred over now” Ten spared him a small smile as he tossed his previous pants to the side.

It was all so nice and relaxing, until Ten stepped over to the bed after he was finally ready to turn in for the night. He hesitated at the side of the bed, and Johnny couldn’t help the doubt that flooded his mind as he started second guessing himself.

“We really don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, I can sleep in the living room. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, so don’t push yourself, baby” Johnny’s brows pinched together a little as the concern settled onto his face.

“No, I’m doing this because  _ I  _ want to. So don’t even begin to think that you’re pressuring me or something ridiculous like that” Ten nagged him, lips pursed in mild defiance as he stood his ground. It was cute, and oh so endearing.

He lifted the covers and shimmied his way further into the bed, but keeping enough distance away from Johnny.

“The bed is already a little warm...it’s odd, I haven’t felt that in a while” Ten made small talk over his little observation. Once again, he was  _ so _ cute.

God Johnny just wanted so badly to wrap his arms around him and pull him close, wanted to feel the man that he loved so dearly. But, he knew that he’s going to have to wait quite a bit longer for that to happen, but when it does, he’s sure it will be worth it. He closed his eyes, now even heavier with fatigue than before, his body being lulled to sleep by the warmth embracing his body.

“Johnny?” Ten’s voice was so small. Johnny simply hummed as a response to signify that he was listening.

“Can I try touching you?...Like we did in Taeyong’s office?”

Johnny pried his eyes open to examine Ten’s face. He appeared a little unsure, but determined to try nonetheless.

“Of course, sweetheart” Johnny tried to conceal the joy in his heart, but his creeping smile must have leaked through a tiny bit, because Ten gave him a small one in return.

Ten was willingly initiating their practice like Taeyong had told them to do. Johnny was beyond proud, and Ten must have been able to see that in his expression. Ten lifted one of his hands from underneath of the covers. Johnny closed his eyes again once Ten’s hand grew near, ensuring that he wasn’t looking at him, like Ten had asked when they were with Taeyong.

“You don’t need to do that” Ten whispered. The confused look in Johnny’s eyes must have been enough to urge Ten to elaborate. “I want you to look at me.”

Johnny had no objections at that, in fact, he was so happy that he thought he might actually be dreaming. Ten’s eyes seemed to scan Johnny’s body, until they settled on his cheek. His hand followed his eyes to the area and hovered over the skin there. He glanced into Johnny’s eyes — who had been staring into his since he opened them — and let his fingers gently fall atop his cheek.

At first they bounced off of his skin from mild shock, but just a second later, they landed there again, lingering for a while. Ten took his time, running his fingertips across the pad of Johnny’s cheek. It was the smallest touch, but it felt like so much to Johnny, it meant the world to him. That’s why he couldn’t help the swell of tears that over spilled from his eyes. He was feeling so many powerful emotions at once; relief, want, hope, and love.

It didn’t help when Ten took it upon himself to drag his fingers from Johnny’s cheek to wipe away the stray tears, in all honesty he thinks it made him cry even harder. He really felt like he and Ten were on the right track to getting their lives back, and he couldn’t wait to spend the rest of his days with this man that he loved so much.

“Sorry...didn’t mean to make you cry right before bed” Ten mumbled softly, his own eyes turning red and glassy.

“Please don’t be...I’m just so happy” Johnny dismissed the unnecessary apology.

“I wish you could feel my heart right now...it’s beating so hard” Ten’s voice was so low, hardly audible as his words almost became completely engulfed in the pillow.

“I think I can hear it” Johnny grinned fondly, eyes so warm with affection for his boyfriend. His heart was beating just as hard, the blood ringing in his ears.

He was torn between going to sleep and staying awake, because he wanted to be conscious in this memorable moment, but he also wanted to fall asleep to the feeling of Ten’s fingers against his skin. He didn’t get to make that decision though, because he eventually felt Ten pull his hand away from his face.

“Goodnight, honey...I love you” Ten murmured, his tone filled with sleep and comfort.

“I love you too” Johnny replied without missing a beat, watching in content as Ten gave him one last smile before shutting his eyes to finally go to sleep.

He didn’t shut his right after though, too captivated by Ten’s resting face to go to sleep himself yet. Four years together and he still found him to be the most beautiful being he had ever laid eyes on. It wasn’t long before he saw Ten’s chest rising and falling with steady, deep breaths, a telltale sign that he was asleep. He closed his eyes, the last thing he saw before drifting off being the image of Ten happily sleeping etched behind his eyelids. And he slept alarmingly well that night, better than he had ever since the incident. Because now he truly had hope, and it was a feeling that he had no intention in parting with anytime soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are finally looking up for Johnny and Ten! Feel free to yell at me about how long you waited for this chapter, because I need a good kick in the ass to keep me motivated lol
> 
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